Severus Snape and Voldemort’s Traveller
by xisney
Summary: In 1975, Severus Snape tutors potions in exchange for Dark Arts literature written by Lord Voldemort. He finds himself cut-off from Lily Evans and drifting towards his vixenish tutee and Voldemort’s teachings. NOT Time Travel/Reader visits Hogwarts.
1. Chapter One

Disclaimer: I acknowledge that I do not own any of the Harry Potter characters or universe. No offense is meant by the situations portrayed in this or any other fanworks.

**NOTE TO HATTIE POTTER READERS**: I know some of you have me on Author Alert, so I'm just putting a warning up saying that this story may not be your cup of tea. It's darker, violent, and has extremely sexual elements. It in no way foreshadows what will be happening with Hattie Potter. I like it a bit fluffier to be honest, and this one won't be. So you might want to skip this one. I'll be back updating Hattie in a couple of weeks, I'm working on it now.

Chapter One

"Oy, Snape."

He looked up from his Defence Against the Dark Arts textbook and covered up the spell he was still tweaking. He lifted his thin hand to pull away a curtain of black hair to see his peer clearly. It was Mona McCabe, a fellow Slytherin. She was a gangly, frizzy-haired pain in the ass. Lucius Malfoy loathed her because she was, as he said, a tinker – a gypsy. Or if he wanted to be politically correct – a traveller, but he didn't want to be politically correct.

"What do you want?" Severus asked, scoping the area for Lily.

She planned to meet him here, in the library, to study for their OWLs, but he hadn't seen her. He even saved a table for them.

"They say yer an expert in potions or whatever, right?" Mona asked.

"Who's they?" Severus asked.

"Ah, feck, Sev' I don't know," Mona said, her Irish accent distorting her speech. "Me friends or whatever. I don't know if I'm gonna make it through potions and I was wonderin' if yeh'd help me cheat."

Severus laughed at her, and he enjoyed the look of frustration that appeared on her pale, freckled face. "Why would I help you cheat?" he asked.

"I've got stuff yeh'll want," she replied.

"I don't do that muggle shit you smoke," he said.

She laughed. "Forgot yeh weren't pure blood," she said, feeling superior. "I've got literature yeh'd be interested in."

"I'm surprised you even know what literature is," Severus said. "It isn't erotica, you know, and I don't read that. I'm not interested."

"Ah, yeh must be right," Mona said, a smile sneaking onto her stupid, snub-nosed face. "I must be a complete moron. So yer not interested in scribed lectures from Lord Voldemort, right?"

Severus Snape almost did a double take. "What?" he asked.

"I've overhead Malfoy talkin' about Voldemort and how yeh've been burrowing Malfoy's copies," she said, "but I've got some here yeh can keep."

"How did you get it?" Severus asked, upturning his nose.

Of course Lucius would be able to get his manicured fingers on copies of Voldemort's lectures, but how would this thing get her own hands on it? Hardly any of the Slytherin students had their own copies – they usually just heard about it from their parents.

"Me ma works with him," Mona replied. "And I don't need to lug it around with me for status like some of our peers."

For whatever reason, Voldemort didn't record any of his thoughts on paper. He simply lectured his opinions and feelings to large gatherings of soon-to-be Death Eaters, and many of them recorded his speeches as he said them. But they were still limited in number as not many followers wanted to carry around his extreme views in their pockets. The only ones that did were the most devoted, the ones who weren't afraid of any repercussions.

Severus knew there was also a market for memories of people who sat in on the rallies, but he had no pensieve to view these thoughts, nor did he have the financial ability to buy these memories.

Severus looked the girl up and down before replying, "I don't believe you."

"I've got it here right now to show yeh," Mona said, pulling some papers out of her backpack. "I'm not giving yeh 'em all before yeh deliver."

"I doubt they're His words," Severus said, checking again for Lily.

She'd be pissed if she knew what Mona was offering him. She'd also be pissed if she knew he was considering cheating just to be able to have his own copies.

"Doubt all yeh like," Mona replied, handing him the pages.

He noticed a black, muggle paperclip holding them all together, and he quivered at the thought of them, that filth, holding together His words. Similarly, it wasn't written on parchment, it was printed on paper with a typewriter – he recognized it from things his father typed up. He took it from her anyway.

She waited, her hands crossed tightly against what she hoped would eventually become breasts, watching his face skim the papers. Severus and Mona had never gotten along because Severus never really got along with anyone. He always acted so superior, hanging out with Lucius, six years his senior, and that mudblood friend of his. It didn't help that she and Lucius hated each others' guts.

Snape always intrigued Mona, though. There was something about his singularity that appealed to her. She knew she would never be that person. She was better at being one of a group, maybe the loud one or the stupid one, but she was definitely one of many.

"All right," he finally said. "I believe you."

He began to hand them back to her, but she waved a hand. "Naw, those are yers," she said. "Down payment. I've got more when the deal's finished."

Severus tucked them into his bag, wedged between two other textbooks. "I'll let you know when I've figured out a system," he replied. "But I've got to ask: why are you having trouble with potions?"

Mona shrugged, playing with a braid mingled in with her hair between her fingers. "I'm not tedious enough or whatever. And I've don't got the memory for any of that shite. Too many of the ingredients sound the same and why does it matter how many times you stir it? It's a waste of time, I'd rather be bakin' or something," she said. "Plus, Slughorn isn't exactly helpful unless yer brilliant or know someone he thinks is brilliant."

"What else are you taking?" Severus asked, trying to recall what classes she had with him.

"The basics, yeh know, Transfiguration, Potions, Defence, and whatnot. For electives I'm taking Divination, Muggle Studies, and Care of Magical Creatures," she replied.

Severus tried to decide what question flying through his mind to ask first. "You're taking an overload?"

"Yeah," she replied. "Trying to bring up my other marks with shite I know."

"So... Muggle Studies?"

"Gotta know what yeh hate," Mona replied. "Hatin' somethin' out of ignorance is a waste of time."

Snape chuckled. He appreciated her way of looking at things – he understood it.

"Yeh laughin' at me?" she asked, feeling defensive.

"No," he said. "I get it, that's all. How are you doing in Transfiguration?"

"I got ol' Barty tutoring me in it, in exchange for me helping him with Divination," she replied.

"You really think Divination can be taught?" he asked.

Severus knew the girl thought herself to be a seer, although, now that he considered it, he never heard her call herself a seer. Maybe it was everyone else that thought her that. He just knew that at every meal she predicted someone's love life or grades over the table for them. She'd pull out this set of cards and pull some bullshit that the girls would cream over.

"I think it can be faked," she replied.

"So you're admitting that you-"

That's when Lily showed up, taking a seat beside Severus. "Hey," she said, with her beautiful smile. Lily looked to Mona. "Hey, it's Mona, right?"

"Yeah," Mona said.

"We have Potions together," Lily said.

"I know," Mona replied. "I'll see yeh, Sev."

"Hold on," Lily said. "Any chance you'd give me a reading? I hear you do it for anyone with some extra coin, and I've been saving up."

Severus gave Lily a look. She wasn't the type to believe in this nonsense. Mona looked her up and down, deciding. "Yeah, sure," she said, sitting down. "What do yeh want to hear about?"

"What are my choices?" Lily asked.

Mona pulled out a deck of cards. Severus knew it wasn't a Tarot deck. It was some combination of cards that she, herself, had made. She said it was for more accurate readings, but Lucius said it was so that she could bullshit better. Severus believed the latter.

"Yeh can ask a question," Mona said, "Or I can make a vague prediction about whatever topic pleases yeh. Most people ask about their love lives with what's his face, but some ask about how their relatives are doing 'cause they've got a bad feeling. Do yeh got a bad feeling?"

"No," Lily said. "I don't."

"Narcissa Black asks me every Saturday how Lucius Malfoy feels about her," Mona says. "We've got to do it over owls, now that she's gone. I wish she'd get a bad feeling, yeh know?"

"Is it extra for confidentiality?" Severus asked, dryly.

"Only when Malfoy is involved," she replied. "I just forgot to tell Narcissa."

"What about my future?" Lily asked. "Do I get to be everything I want to be?"

"What do yeh want to be?" Mona asked, sounding a bit disgusted.

Lily hesitated, thinking for a moment. When she looked at Severus, she said, "A great mum."

Severus hoped his cheeks weren't burning as much as they felt. He knew what that meant. He had a shitty mum and she wanted to show him that not everyone was like that.

Mona snorted, and replied, "I haven't heard that before. Yeah, I can do that."

Severus watched as Mona took off her glasses, shuffling the cards. She handed them to Lily. She said, "Shuffle these and divide them into... three parts: one for yeh, one for yer hubby, and one for yer kid."

Severus hadn't seen her do it up close before, and he hated that he was interested. Perhaps Lily was just as interested as he was, and that's why she was going through this sham. Lily shuffled and divided it into three parts. She watched Mona carefully, who closed her eyes.

Mona lifted a single finger, and hit the edge of the table. Every time she hit, a card flipped off the top of one of the decks and placed itself on top of it. Severus had the feeling that this wasn't something she learned in Divination. But it was a cute parlour trick, nothing more.

She only hit it three times, and she opened her eyes, confused. The small amount of colour in her cheeks had faded completely.

At the top was the two lovers, upside-down. Below them was death, also upside-down, and beside it was the hanging man, right-side-up. "Merlin," Mona said. "I apologize for me language against yer virgin ears, but I've fecked it up."

"No," Lily said. "Tell me what it means. Why are they all upside-down? Did I shuffle wrong?"

"No, yeh couldn't have," Mona said. "I've stopped halfway through."

"Why did you stop?" Severus asked.

"Something didn't feel right," Mona said. "Me gut told me to stop. I shouldn't have."

"Tell me what it means," Lily said.

"It'll be incomplete," Mona replied. "It could be wrong."

Severus chuckled. "It's probably wrong anyway," he said.

"Don't be cheeky," she replied.

"Read it anyway," Lily replied. "For a laugh."

Mona looked into the greens of Lily eyes and sighed. "All right," Mona said, "but don't pay me. This reading probably ain't worth much."

"The Two Lovers generally symbolizes a love already present. It could be a love that someone feels for yeh and yeh will return, or a love yeh feel for someone that they will return. Or it could already be a mutual love, like in poor Cissy's case," Mona began. "Because it's upside-down, I'm tempted to say that the love has turned sour, or it's failed, but I can't be sure. The Two Lovers rarely signifies two specific people, I've got people cards for that."

"Now there's death, also upside-down," Mona continued. "He's a tricky bugger because everyone panics when they see 'im, but he doesn't always signify death. He can also signify a turn, or a passing of events. Like graduating from Hogwarts would probably show the Death card. But he's upside-down, which could mean it's static, that nothing changes."

"Now the Hangman is like death, he's not always bad," Mona said. "He signifies the in between, the wait between now and what comes next. He doesn't usually signify a person either. So I don't know where yer kid comes in."

"What made you upset?" Lily asked. "None of this seems bad."

"Well, each of these cards rarely signify specific people," Mona replied, "but if they did... I don't know."

"What do you mean?" Lily asked.

"Come on Lily," Severus replied. "It's not like any of this actually matters."

"No," Lily said. "I want to know. What if you read it like these represented specific people?"

"Yeh asked me if yeh'd be a good mam, right?" Mona said, "which means that yer kid would be in the second line of cards because she's part of the action. Like, if someone was asking me if she was pregnant, like Cissy dear, then the kid would be in the final line because he'd be the result. But yer result would be yer kid's happiness, which means this kid has to be in there early to affect the end result."

"So what are you saying?" Lily said.

"I'd say yeh and yer beau are the two lovers, and since yer upside-down, yer incapacitated, yeh know?" Mona said. "Yer kid's either death or the hangman, but I think she's the hangin' man. She's suspended, waiting for somethin'. Death is whatever's feckin' this whole thing up, and yer kid's killed it."

"How do you know she's killed it?" Lily asked.

Mona shrugged. "She's the only one standin', yeh know? It makes sense," she replied. "But Sev's right, this ain't an exact science, it could be bullshit, yeh know? Don't go on birth control because of this shit, 'though don't tell Cissy that."

Lily rubbed her chin, staring at the cards. "Why do you call my child a she?"

Mona just shrugged again. "Dunno, me gut, I guess," Mona replied.

"You defined Narcissa's as male," Lily replied.

"Yeh, well," Mona said. "Like I said, not an exact science."

Mona looked over the cards once again before shuffling them into the deck. "Can you do another reading?" Lily asked.

"No," Mona replied, sharply. "Me mind's all over the place now. I'd be affecting the readin', tryin' to make it make sense, so it wouldn't be true."

"Another time, then?" Lily asked.

"Yeah, maybe," Mona said, standing up from the desk. "Or if yeh want somethin' else done, I can do that anytime."

"Okay," Lily said. "I'll let you know."

"Yeah," she replied, and with that Mona walked off.

"What was that about?" Severus asked.

"Oy, Tinker!" Sirius Black, from the other side of the library, shouted to Mona.

Mona flipped him off before walking out of the library.

"You aren't curious about what she does?" Lily asked.

"No," Snape replied. "It's a hoax. She's teaching Barty Crouch how to do it."

"Why would he want to know Divination?" Lily asked.

Severus shrugged. "So you're curious about your future," he said.

"Don't be like that," Lily replied. "Did you see her face when she pulled out those cards?"

"No," Snape replied. He was too busy watching Lily's reaction.

"She was scared, Severus," Lily replied.

"She's just screwing with you," Snape replied. "She's a fake. It looks good if she gets a scary prediction from time to time."

"Oy, Evans!" Sirius Black started walking over. "Are you working on your Herbology paper? I could use some of your lovely assistance."

"Drop dead," Lily said.

"Come on," Sirius replied. "Lupin's not willing because I copied his last assignment and I yelled at the Tinker, but-"

"She didn't appreciate being called a tinker," Lily said.

"Yeah," Sirius said. "You don't even have to help me, just let me see yours."

"No," Lily said.

"Well, what about you Snivellus?" Sirius asked.

"In the words of the tinker," Snape replied, "Fuck off."

"Did I see your future being read?" Sirius asked. "You askin' about your future with Snape? I bet it'd be less cloudy if you went out with Potter, Merlin knows he asks enough."

"Fuck off, Black," Snape repeated.

Sirius smirked. "Looks like I struck a nerve," Sirius replied. "If you change your mind, Evans, you know where to find me. And you know where you can find Potter." And Sirius skulked off again.

"Severus..." Lily started.

"I know," he replied. He looked at his wrist to pretend he was late for something. "I've got some things to do. I'll see you later, all right?"

Lily already had the talk with him – the talk where she told him that she only wanted to be friends, and he said it was okay because if he couldn't have her, he just wanted to be around her. But he hated that everyone teased him about her because it was only a reminder that she wouldn't be his, not yet. She could change her mind. It wasn't impossible.

Severus moved to the common room, working well into the night trying to figure out how he could cheat for Mona McCabe. It was strange that she was willing to be tutored by other students, but she didn't even want to be in contact with him. He had asked around and she was being tutored for charms as well as transfiguration (she was writing off, A History of Magic, apparently).

He was not surprised when around two in the morning, Mona came down into the Slytherin Common Room, stretching, looking exhausted. "Howya, Sev," she said.

"It's not possible," Snape replied. "We won't even be in the same room, and it's going to be anti-cheating charm heavy. I'm not risking my future for yours. Why do you need to do well anyway?"

"Why?" Mona asked, slumping down in one of the sofas, with a laugh. "Yeh mean, 'cause I'm a traveller, yeh don't think I want to have a future?"

Severus thought about it for a moment, then replied, "Well, yes."

"Ah Merlin, yeh eejit," Mona said with a laugh. "I'm hoping for a Ministry job, yeh know something cushy and I'll have a bit o' power. They look for good marks, so I need good marks. Why, what do yeh want to do?"

Severus shrugged. "I haven't decided yet," he said. "I don't mind working with you, if you'd like. I know you're decent at herbology, so it will just be more about remembering what goes where."

Mona nodded. "Yeah, okay," she said. "I'll do me best."

"What are you doing awake, anyway?" Severus asked.

"Ah, just another nightmare," she replied. "I get them sometimes when a reading goes off, like your mudblood friend."

"Don't call her that," Snape replied.

"O' course," Mona replied. "Lily. Sorry."

So Snape took to helping Mona study in the evenings. She was a combination of lazy and just flat-out dumb, either not remembering or even caring how many times to stir, what way to season the cauldron, and so on. Mona had begun giving him pages of Voldemort's words as they studied, so he'd spend the remainder of the evening pouring over his theories and his ideas. He hadn't heard much from Voldemort since Lucius graduated.

He talked to Mona about them, too. Severus was surprised at how relaxed she was, compared to the followers he knew. Severus knew she believed in it, and he knew she'd follow Voldemort off of a cliff if he led them there, but she also saw some of the holes in his arguments.

"Yeah, we can't get rid o' all the mudbloods because we need 'em to stop the inbreedin', so that we can keep getting stronger rather than weaker," she said. "Don't get me wrong, they're just as dangerous as muggles, but we need 'em."

"So then why do you call Lily a mudblood?" he asked. "You know it's derogatory."

"Well, she is," Mona replied. "She's pretty and brilliant and all that, and when she marries she'll produce one helluva a kid, one that can kill death himself, but she's a muggleborn. She wasn't raised in our world and she doesn't understand it. She's been raised with their fears and warmongering and hate."

Severus thought of his own upbringing. There was a lot of hate there. "So, what about purebloods given up for adoption into Muggle homes?" Severus asked.

Mona shrugged. "Dangerous as well, I suppose," she replied. "But yeh don't see many of them."

Severus didn't reiterate these conversations to Lily. They simply studied for their OWLs, making casual conversation. Lily asked how tutoring Mona was going, but she didn't ask what Severus got in return for tutoring – he decided that she probably didn't want to know. Mona, like the rest of the Slytherins, were known for their beliefs.

The OWLs came quickly, Snape noticed that if Mona was worried, she was too proud to show it. After Defence Against the Dark Arts, Mona stepped out to light a cigarette. Snape was too consumed in his exam to give her a nod, but he would have ignored her once she popped the cigarette in anyway. For whatever reason, Pure Bloods seemed to be immune to cancer. Smoking started as a status thing, smoking because she could, but it developed into a bond that she loved. Of course Snape, a halfblood, couldn't smoke freely like she did.

She watched from a distance as the lousy Gryffindors tormented him, but she did nothing about it. She talked absently to a few of her friends about how she did. She wasn't counting on an "O" for Defence Against the Dark Arts, but she thought she might have managed to pull off an "E." She knew enough Dark Magic that she should know enough of the counter spells to be all right.

She looked up, watching Lily going to Snape's rescue. Mona didn't feel guilt for not standing up for him. He had the little mudblood to protect him and care for him. She turned back to her conversation until she looked up, startled. It was strange hearing Snape calling her a mudblood, let alone a filthy one. Mona watched Lily as she stormed off, but as Potter and Black continued their bullying, Mulciber and Avery stepped in to defend him. Mona found herself moving with a few other Slytherins to stop them.

The fight was broke up before it began. On the Sunday before the Potions exam, Mona noticed Snape was particularly stressed preparing for the exam, but she didn't ask about his outburst with Lily Evans. Mona threw up after her potions exams, finally revealing that she was a bundle of nerves.

And then the OWLs disappeared as quickly as they came. Mona gave Snape a large pile of transcriptions of Voldemort's speeches in the Common Room. It was fairly empty, and Severus had just been staring blankly at a textbook. "Thank yeh," she said. "Truly, I mean it, Sev. I've been thinkin' about doctorin', yeh know? Potions'll look good."

"Well, thank you," Snape said, "for these."

Mona couldn't help but notice that his original enthusiasm had faded a bit. She took a seat across from him. "Are yeh all right?" she asked.

"Yeah," he said. "What about you?"

"I'm fine," she said, with a chuckle. "Just me nerves, yeh know?"

"Potions went all right though?" he asked.

"Yeah, thanks to yeh," Mona said. "Almost vomited into me last concoction though."

"I saw that," he said.

Throughout the tutoring, Mona became increasingly attached to Severus. She found it developing into a crush. She never thought he would take the time to tutor her, let alone talk to her about the papers she gave him. She appreciated how thorough he was with everything he did, and she frequently imagined him being thorough with her. She knew he was damaged, and she could deal with damaged, hell most of her family was just one big damaged package.

She asked, "Can I write yeh? To tell yeh me potions mark, when I get it."

Snape looked up at her. "Yeah," he said. "I'd like to know."

"I can send yeh more pages too," she said.

"I'll let you know," Snape replied. "It'll take me a while to sift through these and... I think I might need to take a step back."

"Because of what we were talkin' about before?" Mona asked.

"What were we talking about before?" Snape asked, rubbing his temples. He felt like they had talked about everything, everything in terms of Voldemort, anyway.

"Yeh know," she replied, watching his carefully. "The muggleborns."

"Yeah," he said. "That's why I'm taking a break."

Mona nodded. "I thought so," she said. "If yeh change yer mind about Him, I'll be goin' to a few rallies over the summer. I'd be glad to take yeh along."

"I'll consider it," he replied. "Keep me updated."

Snape spent the remainder of the school year desperately trying to apologize to Lily, and Mona watched carefully from the sidelines, usually with a cigarette between her lips. Lily told Severus to forget about it, but Severus couldn't. He had insulted her. She blamed the Death Eaters he hung around with, Mona not excluded, but Severus knew it was something else – a festering frustration with his relationship with her. The closer he got to Voldemort, the farther away he went from her, but it felt like she was pushing him in that direction.

He felt relief when the school year finally ended. It meant that he and Lily would be alone with each other and her family. It also meant that he went back to his hellhole, but it was worth it to be without the Gryffindors and Slytherins which put them both in the worst lights.

Snape wrote the first letter to Mona, as soon as he got his OWL grades. She hadn't invited him to any rallies, and he didn't mind. He got a reply the same day. Potions, Divination, and Herbology were her only "O"s, and she claimed that Barty Crouch sabotaged her Transfiguration marks because he was "shite at faking being a prophet."

Lily tried drifting away from him over the summer. She got a part time job at some muggle-joint, and he knew that she did it to get away from him. She said it was to get working experience, but what kind of company takes a muggle jobs into consideration? He found himself writing to Mona more often, if only to get away from the mess that was his parents downstairs. He asked about her living arrangements. Did she really live out of a trailer?

That's when he got the invite to a Voldemort rally. He simply told his parents would be leaving, and he walked over to Lily's in the evening to let her know. Petunia answered the door, giving him a look of disdain. She didn't greet him. "Lily!" she shouted and walked away, leaving the door open.

Lily came bounding down the stairs, her fluffy hair bouncing with every step, though when her green eyes locked onto his black ones, she hesitated before coming down. He wondered who she thought was at the door. "Severus," she said. "What brings you here?"

"I'm going away for a week," he replied. "I just thought you'd like to know, in case you wanted to hang out or something. It'll save you from going over to my place."

He couldn't remember the last time she went to his place, but he didn't say that. "Oh?" she replied with a smile. "Where are you going?"

"Mona McCabe invited me somewhere, in exchange for getting her an 'O' in Potions," he said.

"I always knew you were a good teacher," she replied, "when you care, anyway. Where are you going?"

Severus hesitated. He could lie and have her catch him in it, or he could tell the truth and watch her snap at him. He thought maybe she needed to snap. Maybe after she yelled and screamed she'd feel better – his mother was like that sometimes. "A rally," he replied.

"A rally?" she asked.

He didn't reply, and her eyes widened. "You're not serious," she said.

"There's no harm in going-"

Lily slapped Severus, hard across the face. "I can't believe you'd even consider-"

"I'm either going to hate it or I'm going to love it, either way there's no point in being ignorant about it," he snapped. "I can't just turn the other cheek like you do – and pretend that nothing is happening around me. Things are happening, Lily."

"How dare you say that to me," Lily replied, lowering her voice. "They want to kill me and my family."

"They just think you're inferior," Snape replied, calmly.

She pushed him lightly outside, closing the door behind her.

"Am I inferior, Severus?" she asked.

"No," he replied. "Of course not."

"Well you certainly act like I'm inferior," Lily said. "You won't even let me help you when-"

"Like you have any idea what that's like," Snape replied. "You don't have Gryffindor grunts picking on you every day. You're brilliant and you're beautiful, they just want your attention. And if they have to pick on me to get it, then they do."

"Then if I'm such a burden for you, maybe I shouldn't hang around with you at all," Lily replied.

"I didn't mean it like that," he replied.

"Then what did you mean it like?" she asked. "You know that you don't need me for them to put a target on your back."

"So you want to insult me now?" Severus said. "By all means, apparently all you can see in me is flaws."

"Well you turn your compliments into insults," Lily said. "Do you want me to turn my compliments into insults too?"

"As if you can even think about one nice thing to say about me," Severus said.

"You're a brilliant teacher," Lily said. "God knows what sort of student I'd be without you."

"You've never needed me," he replied.

"This self-esteem issue you're having, it's getting tiring," Lily said. "Does she make you feel valuable, this budding Death Eater?"

"You're the one that had her read your fortune," Severus said. "What was all that stuff about being a good mother about? Did you just want to rub it in my face that I couldn't have you?"

"I am not a possession, Severus," she said.

"I know that," he said. "Merlin, you twist all of my words."

"I just wanted you to know that not every mother is like yours," Lily said.

"Well, thanks for that," Severus replied condescendingly. "I'm off then to catch the Knight Bus so I can meet up with my budding Death Eater friend."

"Have a good time," she said through her teeth.

"Oh I will," Severus replied. "Because you know what I like about Mona? She doesn't just lap up everything Voldemort says. She questions it, and you know she questions his theories about muggle-borns in particular. But you wouldn't know that because you only see her as a Death Eater. Maybe one of these days she'll save your life."

"She's already predicted me dead, Severus," Lily replied as Severus walked down her porch.

He walked backwards to watch her as he said, "Well, she stopped the reading, didn't she? You said yourself that she looked terrified."

"Maybe because she saw that my kid killed death," Lily replied, "and if my kid kills death, what will dear Mona eat?"

"Maybe you're reading it wrong," Severus replied. "Maybe your kid ate death."

"Don't hurry back," Lily said.

"I won't," Snape replied.

But by the time Severus reached his house, he already felt a sinking sensation in his stomach. He hoped his guilt would fade with Mona, but he had a feeling that once he saw Voldemort with his own two eyes, he would only feel worse.


	2. Chapter Two

Disclaimer: I acknowledge that I do not own any of the Harry Potter characters or universe. No offense is meant by the situations portrayed in this or any other fanworks.  
A/N: Please forgive my neglection of this fanfic 3

Chapter Two

Severus arrived at the camp near dawn. He was on the Knight Bus for most of the night, and he wasn't entirely sure where he was. He was quite certain that he was still in England, but he didn't remember England being this... fertile. Severus was used to his industrial neighbourhood, where the only nature was controlled in parks and fenced into the sidewalks.

Here, trees grew through broken-down and rusty cars. Flowers waved in cracks on the road. "Oy, Sev!" Mona shouted when he stepped off the bus. "I'm here!"

"Hey," he said, tightly clutching his satchel and wondering what he was doing there.

"Got anythin' for me to carry?"

"No," Snape replied. "I have everything in this one bag. It's just for a week."

"Brilliant," she said. "We won't have to make much room for yeh then."

They walked a short distance to a truck with a silver trailer hooked up to it. The truck looked pretty rusted through, and the trailer had a few dents in the body. There were several other trucks, trailers, and winnebagos scattered around the ground, but Mona pointed out hers specifically: "It's the one that looks like shite."

"Ma!" she shouted, opening the door to the trailer. "Mammy! Sev's here."

As Severus stepped in, closing the door behind him, he realized that there was a strong enchantment within the trailer. It looked like there was just as much space inside this trailer than there was inside his house. The first room was the kitchen, and there was a boy cooking something over the stove. The smell of whatever he was cooking was blocked out by the heavy stench of cigarettes. There also was a large, ginger cat sleeping in the middle of the kitchen table. A silver lurcher slept underneath the kitchen table.

"Mam!" Mona shouted again, though Severus wasn't sure where she was.

"Merlin Mona, shut yer trap for a second, will yeh?" her mother replied.

When Mona's mother stepped in, one older boy and one younger boy walked in with her, the younger bothering the one who was cooking. He heard the claws of another dog somewhere else within the trailer. He decided that there must be another level.

The first thing he noticed about her mother was that she was a very large woman, slightly obese, with a flat nose, and the same frizzy brown hair as Mona. A cigarette balanced lightly between her lips. He also noticed that she looked blind, her eyes a pale blue and completely clouded over. But the eyes locked on him nonetheless, and he realized that this huge woman was almost definitely a seer.

"Merlin, does no one feed yeh, boy?" her mother asked. "That's the first job, sit down at the table and eat something."

Severus noted that all of her children were slim, though the older boy was certainly well-built, and he wondered if the mother served as an example about what happened if one overate. He took a seat at the table nonetheless, a chair beside Mona. The lurcher moved to sit on Severus' feet, with its head nuzzled into his crotch. "Get off of him, yeh beast," Mona said, pulling the lurcher away.

The cat stayed sleeping, and Snape decided it could be dead or breakfast. Mona's mum asked how his trip was, and a few other questions about his parents and his grades. "Mona's thick, yeh know? It's great that yeh helped her. She's got it in her head that she's gonna be a doctor like her brother."

"Ma!" Mona said. "Merlin, feck off, would yeh?"

"Ah bet yeh don't swear at yer parents, do yeh boy?" Mona's mum asked him. "Yer probably the best kid. This one 'ere sprang from my loins and is determined to recreate the pain of childbirth."

"I bet his ma don't treat him like yeh do me," Mona replied.

"Ah, shut up, Mona," the cooking boy said, levitating plates onto the table. "Yeh act as if yeh get all the guff. She calls me a fecking fairy."

"That's 'cause yer a fecking poof," the older boy said, a cigarette between two yellowing fingers. "That's what happens when yeh feck men."

The younger, with an unlit cigarette behind his ear, said, "Watch yerself Sev. Yeh don want to bend over 'round this one."

"Feck yeh all," the cooking one replied.

Severus listened to this banter all through breakfast. Even though the family directly insulted each other, it felt very familial and lovable. He could tell they didn't mean anything nasty, maybe they only knew how to tease each other. And they were all kind to Severus. He felt a little excluded from the family because of how nice they all were to him. Mona's mum was filled with compliments for Severus, which were usually joined with insults for Mona or one of the other children.

While the cook brother cleared up the plates, Mona's mum said, "Ah hear yer friends with tha' Malfoy. Lucius, is it?"

"Yes," Severus replied, speaking for what felt like the first time at the table. "He took me under his wing when I was in first year."

"He's courtin' that Black girl," she said. "Now she's a pretty one. She's over all th' time to get a readin' from Mona. She never asks me though. They make a smart couple."

Mona scoffed.

"Ah, shut yer trap," her mum said. "The Dark Lord is very interested in Lucius. Yeh'll do good, boy, being friends with him. It's all about yer connections, and yeh've met the best people. Wouldn't have thought Mona'd be nice enough to bring yeh home."

"I really appreciate the opportunity to see him speak," Severus replied. He decided not to mention the documents in case her mum didn't know about it. "Lucius wasn't even the one who introduced me, but he has been the best at telling me about it – aside from Mona. She's been great."

"Ah, she probably ruins it will all her theories," her mum replied. "Jus' jealous 'cause she hadn't thought of it first."

"Ma," Mona said. "I'm gonna give him the tour before yeh yap his ear off."

"Fine," her mum replied. "Yeh always ruin a good conversation."

Mona didn't really give him a tour, she just walked him down hallways as they talked. He noticed various stairwells leading up, and what looked like a greenhouse, though they never stepped into any rooms. Somewhere along the tour Severus noticed she lit a cigarette and popped it into her mouth. "Sorry about me ma," Mona replied. "She's an eejit."

"She seems nice enough," Severus replied. "And, just so you know, your opinions are the best part of talking to you about the Dark Lord's theories."

He saw her cheeks burn. "Yer just sayin' that," Mona said. "But thanks for just sayin' that."

"Do you have more brothers?" Severus asked. "Your mum mentioned one was a doctor."

"Yeah," Mona replied. "Three older brothers. Three younger brothers. And me."

"You're the only girl?" Severus asked.

"Yeah," Mona said. "The Sight is passed through the female line. When me ma passes, I'll get all hers. It'll be a bitch. If I had sisters, it'd be divided amongst them. If yeh believe in that shite, I guess, which I know yeh don't."

"What about your father?" Severus asked.

"What about 'im?" Mona asked. "Me da' doesn't stick around much. He doesn't like the Dark Lord, so he pulls his kids away as soon as he can. But he loves me ma, he just can't stand her."

Severus also found out that the group they travelled with tended to do a lot of Muggle baiting, selling false and faulty products and doing fake readings. There were other seers in the group too. Mona generally thought it was hilarious, and she admitted she was known to do a few readings to muggles like the others.

Eventually they reached the last stop, Mona's room. "Yer sharing a room with me," Mona explained. "If yeh don't want the cot, yeh can have me bed. I don't mind."

"I'll stick with the cot," Severus replied, setting down his satchel.

He began looking at her room, which was scattered with trinkets, books, and piles of papers. "Yeh can change yer mind if yeh can't sleep," Mona said. "Just let me know."

"I will," Severus replied.

"So yer parents aren't saints, are they?" Mona said.

"What?" Severus asked, looking at her.

"Well, yeh didn't correct me when I said yer ma was probably better than me ma," Mona replied. "Which means they are saints or yeh don't want to talk about it."

"I don't want to talk about it," Severus replied.

Mona leaned against her windowsill. "Then is there anything yeh do want to talk about?" she asked. "We don't have to talk, if yeh don't want to."

"Lily's pissed that I'm here," he said.

"Yeh didn't keep it a secret like the copies?" she asked.

He didn't even ask how she knew. "No," he said. "We've been drifting since the... mudblood incident. She acts like it never happened, but I think it's something we need to talk about."

"What would yeh say?" Mona said.

"Aside from how sorry I am?" Severus said. "I have apologized."

"No," Mona said. "Yeh think there needs to be some grand production. What do yeh think needs to be discussed? Pretend I'm her."

"I'd rather not," Severus replied, sharply.

Mona laughed. "Now yeh know how she feels," she said.

Severus stiffened, but said nothing.

"Is that why yer here?" she asked. "To piss her off?"

"No," he replied. "I'm here to listen to the Dark Lord."

Mona smiled. "Good," she said. "Yeh'd break my mam's heart if she thought yeh weren't actually interested in His teachin's."

The day was spent going into a nearby town and muggle baiting. Their group was composed entirely of wizards. They all chatted quickly in a language Severus didn't quite follow. He wasn't sure if it was Gaelic or some hybrid. They seemed to switch between languages quickly anyway, eyeing Severus as if they were worried he'd eavesdrop.

Severus found the whole thing quite entertaining, smiling at how easily Mona swindled the muggles out of their coin. He liked laughing with her afterwards. Severus had a muggle lunch with Mona, and they chatted idly throughout the day. Severus was surprised at how relaxed he felt with her. She didn't bring up Lily or his parents again. He noticed they separated from her family when they went out into the town, and they avoided each other until the evening when they reunited back at the trailer.

In the evening, he flopped down on his cot (face-down into the pillow with the flowered pillow-case), exhausted from walking to and from town. "Yeh get used to it," Mona said. She pointed, "The bathroom's through the closet, if yer lookin' for it."

"I will be," he said, flipping over.

He watched her light another cigarette, the light illuminating her lips. Her eyes darted to Severus. "Ah, Sev, I'm sorry," she said. "I keep fergettin'."

"I do prefer that you didn't," Severus said.

She nodded, took another drag, then put the cigarette out on the windowsill. Then she flicked the butt out the window. "Gone," she said. "Keep remindin' me."

He watched her walk through the closet to the bathroom, and he rifled through his satchel to find his toothbrush. With all the muggle grease he had consumed, a quick spell wouldn't cleanse his teeth properly. They went through their procedure awkwardly, stumbling over one another.

Severus was relieved as he climbed back into his cot to sleep. He'd have a few hours to himself, even if he was unconscious. He found himself asleep almost as soon as his head hit the pillow. Mona, however, didn't have it so easy. She couldn't stop thinking about what he had said, about liking talking to her about Voldemort's theories. She had a great time, too, walking around and muggle-baiting with him.

It was horrible, liking someone this much.

And then knowing that her feelings wouldn't be returned was the icing on the metaphorical cake.

Just as she was dozing off, she heard the floor creak. When she turned over in bed, she saw Severus looking out the window. The trailer groaned lightly around them. Severus fingered the curtains lightly before pulling them away. He froze, watching the scenery and cars shoot pass them. "Is it really this easy?" he asked, his onyx eyes locked on the movement.

He heard Mona's bed squeak as she got out of bed. "Is what this easy?" she asked, stretching.

Severus could feel her warmth beside him. "Leaving everything behind you," he said.

"Yeah," she replied. "I guess so."

"I like it," he replied.

He felt her arm wrap around his back, holding his thin frame. "I'm glad," she said.

Severus exhaled, not sure how to react.

"I just want yeh ter know," she said. "That whatever is going on with yer parents, and with Lily, whatever it is, yeh don't have teh tell me about it, but whatever is wrong will be okay here, okay?"

He chuckled, and Mona pulled him tightly into a hug. Severus hugged her lightly in reply, and felt her bury her face into his chest. He thought about Lily and his parents, he thought about seeing Lord Voldemort in the morning, and he smelt the cigarette stained hair of the girl against him. And for a moment, Severus Snape thought he would be okay.


	3. Chapter Three

Disclaimer: I acknowledge that I do not own any of the Harry Potter characters or universe. No offense is meant by the situations portrayed in this or any other fanworks.

Chapter Three

While Mona was in the shower, Severus moved into the kitchen to grab breakfast. He realized as he walked along the creaky corridor that he didn't know the name of Mona's siblings. He didn't know the name of her mother either, but he could get away with calling her Mrs. McCabe. Or should he call her Ms. McCabe? Shit.

"Severus?"

And there she was, Mona's mother, sitting at the kitchen table, the chair groaning while holding up her endless girth. Of course, a lit cigarette hovered against her lips.

"Yes, ma'am," Snape replied.

"Sit with me boy," Mona's mum replied. "Let me do a readin' for yeh."

Snape knew better than to decline and risk offending her. "All right," he replied, sitting down in a seat across from her.

"Has Mona done a readin' for yeh?" she asked, pushing the cat off the table.

"I've only seen it," Snape said, pushing the dog away from his crotch.

"Yeh don't believe innit?" she asked.

"Not usually," he replied. "But I'm opened minded."

"We'll see," she replied.

And true to her daughter's methods, the mother pulled out a deck of cards. "Am I supposed to ask a question or-"

She cut Severus off: "No." She handed Severus the cards and said, "Shuffle."

He shuffled the cards. He received no further instructions, so he simply set the deck down without splitting it up. He wasn't sure the deck needed to be cut, but Mona's mum only raised her brows when he didn't.

She flipped over the cards herself, her sausage fingers carefully lifting up the card and flipping it over on the kitchen table. Her cloudy eyes drifted over, but her expression remained a blank slate. Severus desperately tried to remember what Mona had said during Lily's readings. He had the hanging man and death as well.

Mona's mum said nothing to Severus, her chair creaking as she stood up. Severus knew better than to ask questions. His own father did things like this when he was pissed, but Mona's mum didn't seem angry. The calm that washed over her was strange and discomforting to Severus.

She left the room for a moment and Severus hovered over the cards. He remembered that Death could signify a conclusion to something. His stomach sank, perhaps it meant Lily? There was a Queen card somewhere in there, and she was certainly a Queen to him. A book thrown onto the table scattered the cards. He looked up at Mona's mum standing behind him, her cigarette clinging to her lip.

"This is for yeh," she said.

"The book?" Severus asked, picking it up.

"Yeah," she replied. "It's so yeh can learn."

"Is this what the cards told you?" he asked.

The book was bound in black leather, the font a stark silver: "Occlumency for Beginners."

"Sure," she replied.

"Why am I learning-"

"Feck Sev," she replied. "I'd tell yeh to learn it or don't, but yeh will because that's what the cards say."

He stayed silent, feeling the smooth cover. He didn't like the way she was looming over him. He couldn't walk away without having to move around her, and he desperately wanted to walk away.

"When I die, Mona's gonna go through hell," she stated. "Ah don't like readin' me kids' friends 'cause sometimes I see how me kids'll turn out, and I don't like knowin'. Yeh make sure the process isn't too painful for her, yeh hear? And don't blame yerself if it all goes to shite."

"If what goes to shit?" he asked. "What are you saying? I thought this was to advise me."

She snorted in laughter. "Advise?" she asked. "Feck Sev, this is fate. This shite is set in stone. Even if I advise yeh, yer not gonna change. I could tell yeh that yer gonna have a walk with Mona and yeh'll die pushing her out of the way of a ride. Whenever yeh'd walk with Mona you'd have your eyes open, and if that car comes maybe yeh'd push her out of the way or maybe yeh'd think twice, but yeh would push her outta the way.

"Or maybe that car was simply meant to hit Mona and yeh wouldn't have the opportunity. So yeh'd keep yer eyes open for days or months, but for one second yeh'd drop something insignificant, like a knut, and in the second when yer busy she steps off the curb without lookin' and gets run down.

"It doesn't matter if I tell yeh or not 'cause it's gonna happen, so why should I make yeh worry?" she asked. "Feck, yer young. Take some time to enjoy yerself for once."

"Why give me the book then?" Severus asked.

"I'm supposed ta," she replied.

"What if you hadn't?" he asked.

"Yeh would've found it on the shelf and Mona'd let yeh take it because she doesn't care about me property," she replied. "Or maybe yeh wouldn't've asked."

He turned to face her. "I would have asked," he said, plainly.

Mona's mum snorted. "All right," she said. "Go get Mona. Declan'll be making breakfast soon."

Snape rose from the table and walked in the direction of Mona's bedroom. He heard the claws of the silver lurcher behind him. Severus stopped, giving the lurcher time to catch up. Severus gave the lurcher a friendly pat on the head, and they walked together back to Mona's room. The dog whinged from time to time, and Severus would stop to stroke it behind the ears.

Severus started as he walked into Mona's room, "So your mum-"

Mona stood by the window smoking, barely wrapped in a bath towel. Her wet hair clung to her shoulders and neck. "Merlin Sev, get out!" Mona said.

Severus didn't take time to stare and close the door. The lurcher barked. He pet the dog again, hesitating before he spoke. "Your mum said breakfast would be soon," he shouted through the door. "I was supposed to get you."

"Ah, a family breakfast," Mona shouted back. "Brace yerself."

"I notice you're smoking," Severus said.

"Family breakfast," Mona said. "Need to."

"Didn't we talk about this?" Severus asked.

"Wasn't going to smoke around yeh," Mona replied. "Yeh weren't there, hence me nudity."

"I believe you were wearing a towel," Severus said.

"Ah, yeh looked," Mona said. "I'll take it as a compliment."

Severus frowned for a moment. "Your mum read my future," he said, looking at the book again.

"Really?" Mona asked. "She doesn't usually do that. What'd she say?"

"She gave me a book and told me to read it," Severus replied. "Apparently she believes that fate can't be changed."

Mona opened the door, dressed, and looked down at the lurcher. "Well that's her philosophy," she replied. "I think things can be changed. That's why Lord Voldemort wants me when she dies. What's the dog doing following yeh around?"

"I don't know," Severus said. "Lord Voldemort wants you when she dies?"

"Did yeh pet it?" she asked.

They started walking to the kitchen. "Yes," Severus said. "Should I not have?"

Mona shrugged. "Mam takes in these animals wandering around and they act like eejits," she said.

"Lord Voldemort," Snape said, trying to get back to the topic, "wants you to tell his future after your mum dies?"

"Yeah," she replied. "Do yeh like the lurcher?"

"What?" Severus replied. "The dog?"

"Yeah," she said.

"It seems decent enough," Severus said.

"I can let it into me room at night, if yeh'd like," Mona said. "It might make yer feet go numb."

Severus laughed. "I don't know if I like it that much."

The lurcher whinged again.

He continued, "Are you avoiding talking to me about Lord Voldemort?"

"Mam doesn't like hearing about it," Mona said, lowering her voice as they neared the kitchen. "I can talk to yeh about it later, if yeh like."

"I would like," Severus replied. "Are we going to the rally with your family?"

"No," Mona replied. "Mammy too fat so she has to sit down somewhere, usually at the front with some of the Black clan. Declan likes standing in the back to take notes. The other two meet up with their Durmstrang friends and dick around."

"Where do you usually stand?" Severus asked.

Mona shrugged and smiled. "Away from my family."

Severus laughed, and he added jokingly, "But I'm standing with you, right?"

"Unless yeh want to stand with Malfoy," Mona said. "I wouldn't hold it against yeh."

He actually considered standing with Malfoy. It would certainly look better, wouldn't it? They hadn't seen each other for a few years, limiting their contact to letters. Since Severus was deep in Muggle territory, Lucius had little interest in visiting Severus. He also never invited Severus to see him.

"No," Snape replied. "You invited me, it's only fair I stand with you."

"All right," she replied. "I'm looking forward teh it."

They sat down at the table, the rest of the family already sitting and eating. The conversation that Snape had started to enjoy, the constant familial bickering took place at the table. Any anxiety he felt from meeting with Lord Voldemort faded with these conversations. They acted as if this was an everyday event, not the profound occasion that Severus thought it would be.

After breakfast, Severus and Mona headed down towards the town. Severus agreed to witness some scamming of muggles before the rally. He actually wanted to see her do some readings to try to read his own future. He thought he'd be able to place where and what cards Mona's mum had shown him.

Mona opened up a tent off the sidewalk, a charmed one, of course, and Severus sat in the corner of it, reading his occlumency textbook. She put a sign outside of the tent that read "FORTUNES TOLD: LOVE LIFE EXPLAINS, FUTURES REVEALED" and other cheesey lines to draw in the clueless civilians. She sold fake charms, vending machine necklaces and rings, with the promise of protection and good fortune.

But she surprised Severus by generally telling the truth when she read the Muggles' fortunes. At least, he knew it was the truth by the little knowledge he knew, but she was too detailed for it to be fake, he decided. He took notes inside the occlumency book, writing down what certain cards meant, so he could put together Mona's mum's reading later.

That's when an American came into the tent. Her accent stood out more than her conservative dress, but she sat down across from Mona. "You're Irish," she said to Mona. "What part are you from? It sounds like you could be from Ulster."

"I started there," Mona replied. "I'm surprise yeh noticed." Severus stopped listening while Mona continued, "I couldn't tell yeh what part of America yer from. Yeh could be Canadian, I suppose, but Canadians are more forgiving if yeh call 'em Americans than Americans are if yeh call 'em Canadians."

The American scoffed. "I don't believe that for one minute," she replied.

Mona shrugged. "How do yeh know the accent?" she asked.

"My grandparents," she replied. "They immigrated to the States after the War of Independence."

Mona nodded. "So are you looking fer a fortune?"

"Yes, actually," the American replied, nervously wringing her hands in her lap. "How does this work?"

"Yeh ask a question about the future," Mona said. "Most people ask about romances. I've gotten a few today about whether or not they'll get a job."

Severus considered Lily's question again. He couldn't believe she'd do that to him, teasing him like that. He didn't want kids anyway.

"It's my brother," she replied. "My parents brought him to the Royal National Throat, Nose, and Ear Hospital. He's been beside guns for so long that he can't here anymore. My parents didn't like the treatment he was getting at home."

Mona nodded, motioning for her to continue.

"He just came home from the war," the American said, "Vietnam. He wasn't a drop-out, he signed up to go. He wanted to be like Dad, you know?" She put her head in her hands for a moment, rubbing her temples. "I'm trying to decide how to narrow this down."

"Take yer time," Mona said. "Yeh pay me by the reading, not by the hour."

Severus was back paying attention. He had heard about that war. He remembered his mum talking about seeing them protesting on the telly. He looked at this girl, rubbing her temples and staring at Mona's cheap table, and he wondered if she had protested. He glanced at Mona and saw a sharp compassion lingering behind her eyes.

"I guess I just want to know what else he'll be facing," the American said, finally looking up. "Is that enough of a question?"

"Yeah," Mona said. "That's enough."

Mona handed the deck to the American, and she said, "Split it as many times as yeh feel fit."

The American held the deck for a moment, and then she split it four times. She looked to Mona, and Mona flipped the cards over by hand, but with her eyes closed. Severus understood that it was easier to do it with magic because the cards were less dependent on her and more on her sight, but the Muggles were generally sceptical when she used magic to levitate the cards. They saw it as the gimmick that Severus thought it was.

Mona sighed as she looked at the cards. "How bad is it?" the American asked.

"The Knight of Swords is in control," Mona began. "He's on top and I'd say he represents yer brother, it would make sense. It generally represents being at yer best in a difficult situation. It also represents blind courage, but-"

"We've already seen that," the American said.

Mona simply nodded, not wanting to make things worse. The cards were frequently reversed. Severus saw the hangman, the lovers, the Hierophant, and others scattered in. "Give me a moment," Mona said, examining them closely.

The American peered over the cards too, but she eventually looked over to Severus. "What do you do?" she asked him.

"I observe," he replied, coolly.

"He's a friend of mine," Mona said, her eyes closed for a moment.

"No one complains about privacy?" the American asked.

"I tell them he's a source of my psychic energy," Mona said. "He's got the darkest eyes yeh'll ever see."

"So what is your source of psychic energy?" the American asked.

"Me mammy," Mona replied. "But I don't need her around teh use it. If you please, I'm going ter need some silence."

The American gave Severus a sceptical look, and he simply shrugged in reply. He didn't believe Mona either, but the American was the one who approached Mona, not the other way around. "I'm just going to step out for a moment," Mona said. "Teh clear me head, then I'll be back."

"All right," the American said, and Mona stepped out. "Does she do this often?"

"Never," Severus replied. "Well, one time. She was doing a reading for a friend of mine and she had to stop in the middle of it because, well, I didn't really understand why. But she didn't just up and leave."

"What did she do if she didn't leave?" the American asked.

"My friend requested the reading to be done nonetheless," Severus replied. "And she did, but she got it for free."

"The cost doesn't matter," the American said.

Mona came back in reeking of cigarette smoke. She handed the American two necklaces, both white gold. "Wear one and give the other to yer brother," Mona replied. "Yer strength will be his."

The American snorted. "You're joking, right?" she asked. "I'm not paying for-"

"Yeh don't have teh," Mona said. "It's a gift. Yeh wear one and he wears the other and it joins yeh together. Yeh share his burden. If yeh don't believe me, then yeh take the necklace off. No big deal."

The American looked at the necklaces in her hand, and then back to Mona. "You still haven't told me his future," she said.

"Words can't express the hell he'll go through. Nothing I say will prepare yeh fer what he will face," Mona said, touching the hanging man lightly. "But those necklaces will let yeh face it together."

The American turned away from Mona and Severus. "Fine," she said, her voice cracking. "How much do I owe you?"

"Nothing," Mona said.

The American scoffed. "Well, whatever," she said, standing up.

"Good luck," Mona said.

"Thanks," the American said without enthusiasm. In the entrance of the tent, she put on the necklace.

After the American was gone, Mona started closing up the tent. "You enchanted the necklace," Severus said. "Did you curse it?"

Mona laughed. "O' course not," she said. "It does what I said it does."

Severus watched the tent get sucked into Mona's school bag around him. He wondered if anyone noticed, and he wondered if Mona cared if anyone noticed. "I didn't expect you to be kind to the people you loathe," Severus said.

"When I get one-on-one I treat the Muggles as a case-by-case basis," Mona replied.

Severus chuckled. "So you thought you'd illegally give a Muggle an enchanted object," Severus said.

"Do yeh want to grab a coffee?" Mona asked. "Before we go?"

"How much time do we have?" Severus asked.

"Half an hour," Mona said, "before we should go in."

"All right," Severus said. "You'll tell me about Lord Voldemort?"

They started walking. "No," Mona said. "I'm going teh tell yeh about something else and I think this should be first."

Snape nodded. "About the American," he said.

"Related ter the American," she replied. "Why I gave the American a charmed necklace."

When they got to the street, Severus suddenly remembered what Mona's mum had said, about Mona being hit by a car. He thought her mother was simply speaking metaphorically, but he still felt concern as they walked along the busy street. "Forgive me," Snape said, "but may I hold your hand?"

He felt her warm, clammy hand slide into his dry ones. "What's brought about this then?" she asked.

"Something your mum said," Severus said.

"She told yeh to hold me hand?" Mona asked. "Way ter spoil the mood, Sev."

He chuckled again, rubbing her hand with his thumb. He thought he could get used to this: wandering the streets with her hand in his, even with the fear that they could be run over by a car at any moment. Of course Lily wasn't completely out of his thoughts, but hand-holding wasn't going to change that. Besides, he could interpret part of his cards as moving on from Lily. He didn't want to move on, but if fate said he was going to…

Mona bought their coffee and took a seat at a table by the window. While Mona lit a cigarette, Severus wondered how odd it would be for him to hold her warm hand across the table. But holding his coffee gave him enough warmth to save him the embarrassment. "So why did you give that Muggle charmed necklaces?" he asked.

"I lost a brother in the riots," Mona said. "The seventh brother. He was in the IRA, wanting so desperately fer the North teh be part of Ireland again. We were staying in Derry at the time, and mam hasn't been back in Ireland 'cause of the Troubles. I don't know anything about Vietnam, but I saw myself in that girl and I'll be damned if I take advantage of her just because of her background."

"So you gave her charmed necklaces to...?" Severus asked.

"He's only going teh get worse," Mona said. "Mentally, I mean. Do they call it Shell shock still? The necklace will join them. She's not going teh feel a lot of pain, but he'll feel her, and she'll draw him back to reality."

Severus nodded. "I'm sorry about your brother," he said.

"Yeh won't tell anyone, right?" Mona said.

"I won't if you put out that cigarette," he replied.

"Everyone's smokin' in here. What does me cigarette matter?" she asked.

Snape simply took the cigarette out of her mouth and put it out in the ashtray. "I don't like you doing it," he said.

"Yeh know second-hand smoke is just a myth," Mona said.

"According to the muggles," Snape said. "You talk to any doctor at St. Mungo's and they'll tell you about the increased aging, the cancer, the lung diseases-"

"Oh shite," Mona said.

"Right," Snape said. "Your teeth are going to turn yellow and-"

"No, Narcissa Black just spotted me through the window," she said. "Merlin damn it."

"Lucius with her?" Severus asked.

"Yeah," Mona replied. "Shite."

"Mona!" Narcissa said, rushing to their table. "Are you going to the rally?"

Narcissa and Lucius were not incognito, wearing their wizarding robes out in public. They received several odd looks, but Severus had spotted a few other wizards wearing their robes in the coffee shop. Severus and Mona were wearing muggle clothes, and he wondered what the rest would be wearing. Would he stand out?

"Yeah," Mona said. "Sev an' me."

Lucius finally stepped up next to them. "Hello Severus," he said, coolly. "I didn't know you hung around with this riff-raff."

"Oh please, Lucius," Narcissa said. "You'll come with us, right? We were just walking over."

"Well, we just got coffee," Mona said, nodding towards her and Severus' drinks.

"We can wait," Narcissa said. "Can't we Lucius?"

"Of course," Lucius replied, pulling up a chair for Narcissa.

Lucius' reply made Severus wonder how connected Mona was to Voldemort. If He was grooming Mona as His next seer, did everyone know? Was Lucius trying to suck up to her? Narcissa pulled out a cigarette, offered one to Mona (who declined), and leaned over for Lucius to light her cigarette. Lucius, too, pulled out one as well. Their chatter was stilted, and Severus burned his tongue trying to drink his coffee quicker. He noticed Lucius kept trying to catch his eye, so he busied himself with the bottom of his coffee mug.

When they finished their coffee, they began heading towards where the rally was talking place. It was in a community center with Muggle-repellent charms. "They imperious the owner," Mona explained as they walked, "and then take over. It's murder teh find a Wizard-owned community center that's willing teh hold a rally by Voldemort."

Severus nodded. "So it's easier to possess someone," he replied.

"Yeah, and it looks good in the process," she replied. "Sometimes He brings the owner out for a little humiliation. Usually it's quite funny."

Lucius and Narcissa walked in front of them on the street, and Severus took Mona's hand back in his. "Sounds like a regular comedy troupe," Severus replied, his voice dripping with sarcasm.

"Lord Voldemort does his best to pleasure his followers," Lucius said, only turning his head slightly. "Those with a more vulgar sense of humour enjoy the more base form of entertainment."

"So what does he do to pleasure yeh, Lucius?" Mona asked, stepping his heel. "If yeh don't get yer kicks out of making fun o' muggles."

Lucius rolled his eyes. "Lord Voldemort doesn't need to find a source of pleasure for me," he replied. "I understand his beliefs."

"Does he normally need to appeal to the baser instincts to get followers?" Severus asked.

"No," Narcissa replied, slipping her arm through Lucius' arm. "It's a hook, sometimes, I suppose, to get people to listen. But people stay for his opinions.

Severus nodded, glancing at Mona. He hated that Lucius and Narcissa seemed to know more about Voldemort than Mona did. It tainted an image he had of her. What he liked about her was her knowledge, and what was she without that? A soft hand?

Severus felt sick as they went into the hall. Not only was the air thick with sweat, but everyone was better dressed than he was. Most were in their best wizard's robes – he even caught Mona's brothers in robes without stains or patches. Mona simply wore her muggle camouflage, and Snape was just wearing his own, shoddy muggle-wear. He tightened his grip on her, thinking that perhaps being with her would justify his poor attire.

"Are you standing with us for once, Mona?" Lucius asked.

"We'll probably stick teh the middle," Mona replied. "I don't know how yeh can stand at the side."

Severus watched them part ways, Narcissa giving a wave and a smile. He surveyed his surroundings, and he noticed Declan in the back with parchment. He spotted Mona's mum with Lucius and Narcissa, and he recognized a few other Blacks with them, if only by their reputation. "Are yeh nervous?" Mona asked.

"No," Severus replied. "Should I be?"

"No," Mona said. "Yeh just feel tense."

"I'm fine," he replied, coolly.

Mona spent the time nudging him and pointing people out to him. She'd either say their name or what they were: "Werewolf," she'd whisper.

Lord Voldemort stepped on stage soon after they arrived. Silence swept through his followers. Severus tried not to note that Voldemort was good-looking: tall, dark-haired, keen eyes. He did, somehow, seem a bit warped. It wasn't just that he was pale, it was something about his mannerisms. It was almost as if his flesh could break apart at any moment, and someone else would come out.

Voldemort spoke eloquently about the decline of the Ministry, the corruption of mudbloods within the ministry and with wizarding society, and the influence of muggles over wizards' actions. Severus saw no debasing and none of the 'appeal to the baser instincts' that Lucius spoke of. He felt relief.

Lord Voldemort's eyes continually scanned the audience. For a moment, Severus swore He was staring at him, and he could feel His eyes pressing into him, scanning his thoughts and his fears and his hates. Severus was filled to the brim with hate. He read enough of his occlumency book to know what Voldemort was doing. (Snape tried not to feel flattered that Voldemort looked into him out of everyone else in the room.)

There was applause and cheers as Voldemort ended his speech, and as they poured out into the streets, their excitement followed. It was night when they stepped out, and Severus wondered how long he had been standing, entranced by Voldemort's speeches. Riots started almost immediately, harassing muggles. Mona pulled him away. "Mam always does a reading fer Voldemort after his speeches," she said. "Yeh'll be able to meet Him."

They walked away from the crowd, stepping quickly to get out of it. "Yeh don't want ter get caught up in this riff raff," she replied. "Doesn't help anyone and makes us look like murderers."

"They're just letting off steam," Severus replied.

Mona scoffed. "Other ways teh do that," she replied. "What did yeh think?"

"Interesting," Severus said. "There's a lot of repetition."

"There has teh be," Mona replied. "That's how people remember."

"What if it develops into this?" Severus asked.

"What do yeh mean?" Mona asked.

"Well, that," Severus said, pointing to the masses behind him. "What if their release develops into something else?"

"I don't think He'll let it get that far," Mona said.

"You said yourself He has werewolves," Severus replied. "They're not known for their ability to control themselves. What else does He have?"

Mona finally pulled her hand out of his. "Giants," Mona said. "I suspect all of our damage will attract Dementors. He's hoping the Goblins will come as well. It's ridiculous that their wand use is restricted."

"And you think He can control all of this?" Severus asked.

"Yeah," she replied. "I do."

He exhaled and they walked in silence for a while. His head throbbed. He believed all of it, most of it. Lily constantly penetrated his thoughts. She represented everything that Voldemort was wrong about, but he, Severus, represented everything that Voldemort was right about.

They approached the trailer, and they walked into the kitchen. Declan was home, and he informed them that the other brothers were out celebrating.

Short, stunted banter came between Mona and Declan. They clearly weren't the closest of siblings, and Severus learned through eavesdropping that Mona was closer to Michael, the older brother. Declan was actually older than the other two brothers, despite his thin stature, but Michael had always been considered the "older" of them. Declan explained that he was just the "oldest."

"Come on," Declan said. "We should get outside before Mam comes."

Severus stepped out of the trailer before Declan and Mona, hearing the steps creak as he stepped down.

Mona's mum and Lord Voldemort popped onto the scene. Clearly they apparated and Severus wasn't sure Mona's mum could walk long distances. Voldemort and Ms. McCabe had their arms twined together, Voldemort clearly helping her walk. To Severus, she looked like an oversized toddler. He felt pity for her as he realized she leaned on the Man that broke her family apart.

She was out of breath when she reached Severus, Mona, and Declan. "This is our friend Severus Snape," she said, pointing to him. "He's a friend o' Lucius' and helped Mona with potions. She's sweet on him."

"Mam," Mona hissed.

"A pleasure," Voldemort said.

He held out a hand for Severus to shake. He shook it, breathing in the power that seeped off Him. Severus hoped his handshake felt strong enough. He could feel his knees weakening, his ankles quivering. He stared into Voldemort's dark eyes and felt something else creeping behind him. Severus felt a mix of disgust and desire. He wanted to be closer to this man, but he couldn't place why.

Then Voldemort moved onto Mona, outlining her face with one of his thin fingers. Mona smiled, her cheeks burning. "Mona," he said. "Does this mean you've given up on saving yourself for me?"

Her laugh came out like a cough or a bark. It was harsh and quick. She didn't reply anything at all, and Snape didn't see any of the intimacy he had imagined between them. Voldemort was clearly interested in her, but she seemed like an awkward teen, more awkward than she appeared in school. He wondered if there was more than one reason she didn't want to talk about being Voldemort's prophet.

And with Declan, Voldemort gave a polite handshake and a nod, nothing more. He was civil, but uninterested. Voldemort and Mona's mum disappeared inside of the house. "I think I'm going to catch up with Lu," Declan said.

"And what'll we do Sev?" Mona asked.

Severus watched as Declan walked off the trailer park. "Is that it then?" he asked.

"What do yeh mean?" she asked.

Snape shrugged. "I suppose I just expected it all to be grander."

"Let's walk," she said.

He nodded in reply, supposing she didn't want to be near Him while they talked. She expected him to hold her hand again, but he didn't reach for it. "What did yeh expect to be grander?" she asked once they were off the park grounds.

Severus shrugged again. "The whole thing. I expected to be enthralled by his speech and moved to do… something. And then meeting Him. I guess I just thought I'd be accepted, wholeheartedly with open arms. I guess I just expected Him to think I was perfect for the role."

"And what role is that?" she asked.

The question really ticked him off, too. His reply was sharp, "I don't know."

"Well, let me know when yeh know," Mona replied, digging her hands into her pockets.

"And what was with you and Him?" Snape asked.

"Going ter have teh explain more, Sev," Mona said impatiently.

"You've been talking to me like you and He are buddies. Like, oh you're getting groomed to be His prophet, but you can barely say anything to Him," Severus snapped. "Are you that intimidated by His power? Or have you been lying?"

Mona scoffed. "I wish I was lying," she said. "And I'm not intimidated by Him, it's more like scared shitless. Do you know why He wants me to be the prophet?"

Snape shook his head. "I've been trying to get it out of you all day."

"Because I don't believe things are fixed. I don't believe in fate. I'm an interpreter, I don't see everything. Me ma says, 'This is what'll happen,' but I say, 'This is what could happen, but this could happen too.' That means I give Lord Voldemort every opportunity to excel."

"Are you afraid of Him excelling?" Snape asked.

"Hell, Sev, I'm afraid of havin' me ma's sight," Mona said.

Severus hesitated. He remembered how it worked, travelling through the women in the family. Would Voldemort kill her mother to force Mona to step up? Was He that kind of person? Maybe.

"So you are," Snape said.

"O' course I fucking am, Sev," Mona said. 'I'm fucking afraid of everything."

He felt anger rise within him, but he couldn't pinpoint why. "But you said before you think He could control everything," Severus replied.

"But do yeh want Him to control everything?" Mona asked. "I'm not sure. Every day I am less sure."

Snape snorted. Not quite a laugh, he couldn't quite figure out if she was joking. "I always pictured you as pretty fearless," he said.

"Do we know each other at all?" Mona asked.

Severus thought about it. His image of Mona had begun merging with Lily. Lily was confident and gorgeous and fearless. She wanted to be a good mother. Mona was timid and preferred to have a crowd to disappear into. She was perceptive, but passive. She was afraid of what she was going to be. She wasn't anything he admired or loved.

"I think so," he replied.

"Well, there's another rally in a couple a' days," Mona said. "Do yeh want teh go?"

"Yeah," he said.

"Really?" Mona said.

"Yeah, but I want to stand with Lucius," he said, "and I want to wear wizard's robes."

"Did yeh bring any?" she asked.

Snape hesitated. "You said a couple of days, right? I can go home and-"

"No," Mona replied. "I'll work tomorrow and get yeh some. Some robes that'll knock Lucius' high-end women's socks off."

"You don't have to," Snape said.

"I know," she said.

He stopped walking and Mona turned to face him. "I… don't want to give you the wrong impression about us," Snape said. He felt it. He knew he was leading her on. "I'm not-"

She cut him off. She knew it in her gut, but she didn't need it rubbed in her face. "Don't worry," she said with a smile. "I get it, but I'm still buying yeh the robes."

"Okay," he said, returning her smile. "So long as you know."

"I know," she said, straining to keep her smile.


	4. Chapter Four

Disclaimer: I acknowledge that I do not own any of the Harry Potter characters or universe. No offense is meant by the situations portrayed in this or any other fanworks.  
A/N: Sorry about the slow updates! I've got this all planned out until the end, so it will definitely be finished.

Chapter Four

The lurcher slept on the end of his cot. Sometimes his feet went numb, but he just kicked the dog off the bed. He never had a dog before. He liked having a companion that followed him hopelessly and happily. Snape wondered if he could take it with him. It'd be nice to have something to curl up with when his parents were yelling.

He still felt at home in Mona's trailer. He loved the freedom, the banter. He spent lots of time reading the occlumency textbook. Snape liked watching Mona work and he liked her taste in robes. She bought him a black robe with lots of buttons. He talked her into buying something new for herself. And they walked to the rally again together, no stopping for coffee this time.

Both of them stood with Lucius and Narcissa, Mona's mum sitting on a chair next to them. Voldemort's words didn't change for Severus, but something did. He felt power standing there, but he felt singular. He felt like everyone was staring at him and jealous. He could stand with the Blacks and no one would ask a single question. No one would make fun of him here. And he didn't need Lily here either.

They walked out with Lucius and Narcissa. Voldemort was going to Mona's house again, but they decided to walk with the pair again. "Will you do a reading for me, Mona?" Narcissa asked. "It's been a while since I got one."

"Yeah sure thing," Mona said.

The park looked desolate as they approached it. "Oy Lu!" Declan shouted, suddenly noticing Lucius.

"Declan!" he shouted back.

Snape realized that Lucius had been here many times before. The lurcher also came running out to greet Severus, bounding around him and digging its nose into his crotch. "Decided teh try ter get some shoe-kissing in before dinner, are yeh?" Declan said, hitting Lucius hard on the back.

Mona pushed the lurcher away. "It's much more likely that I just wanted to see my favourite tinker," Lucius said to Declan.

Again, Mona's mum and Lord Voldemort apparated right outside the trailer, but a few people came with them. Bellatrix Black. Rodolphus Lestrange. People whose power leaked off of them. Severus tried not to act intimidated. "Cissy," Bellatrix said.

"Bella," Narcissa said with a polite smile.

Ms. McCabe reintroduced Severus to them, and Snape tried to look like he belonged. He received the same sort of smile Bellatrix gave to her sister. Respect, but distrust. Lord Voldemort shook his hand again and gave a real smile. Was his interest growing? Then the four went inside.

And Severus suddenly found himself alone. Lucius and Declan talked excitedly about something and Narcissa dragged Mona off to do a reading. Snape found a stick on the ground and, after discovering the lurcher didn't know how to play fetch, he played a game of tug-of-war with the dog.

The two of them ended up in the wood behind the trailer and he just watched the lurcher chase a squirrel. He turned around as he heard twigs snap around him. And there He was, Lord Voldemort, walking through the woods as if He was just a bored kid like Snape was.

"Hello," Voldemort said. "Mona mentioned that she saw you walk this way."

"You were looking for me?" Snape asked.

"Yeah, I thought I would sit with you," he said. "Bella and Rodolphus are getting their fortunes read."

Voldemort sat in the ground beside Severus, watching the lurcher. He pulled out a cigarette and offered one to Severus. "No thanks," he said. "I'm a half-blood."

Voldemort chuckled. "Me too," he said, lighting it.

Snape watched the Man for a moment. He looked into His dark eyes and found them watching him back. "Give me one," he said.

Lord Voldemort smiled and held out the pack. Snape took one and lit it, breathing it in. He coughed once or twice, but he got the hang of it quickly. Voldemort laughed and patted him on the back. "What year are you in?" He asked.

"I'm going into my sixth," he replied.

"Lucius says you've created your own spells," Voldemort said.

"I have," Snape replied.

"Anything impressive?" Voldemort asked.

Severus pulled out his wand and flicked it towards the tree, saying "Sectumsempra."

Voldemort stood up to inspect the damage of the tree. The lurcher, too, came over to inspect the base of the tree. "I'm still tweaking it," Severus said. "I think I will have to adjust my wand movement, maybe switch around the syllable emphasis."

"Try it again," Voldemort said, "but use it on her this time."

Her was the lurcher. The lurcher that curled up in bed beside him. The lurcher that pulled eagerly on a stick and always ran up to him with her tongue lolling and her eyes mindlessly happy. "It's just a dog," Severus said.

"Exactly," Voldemort replied.

Severus hesitated. It was just a stupid dog. He raised his wand. "Sectumsempra," he said.

The dog fell to the ground, whimpering. Voldemort watched the cuts expand and grow, blood crawling through her fur. "I can heal her," Snape said.

"That information is good to know," Voldemort said, "but don't bother."

So they left the dog in the forest, and Voldemort put his arm affectionately across Snape's shoulders. Snape had a feeling that he just passed a very big test. "Let me know when you graduate," He said. "I might have some work for you."

"Yeah?" Snape asked. "I might take you up on that."

He replied, "I'm looking forward to it."

Bellatrix Black and Rodolphus Lestrange waited outside of the trailer. Voldemort shook Snape's hand before walking off the trailer park grounds. Lucius still lingered, but Delcan went back inside the house. "Hey," he said. "What was that about?"

"I think I just got accepted," Snape said.

"Oh yeah?" Lucius said. "Congratulations."

"What do you think of Mona?" Snape asked.

"She's decent enough. She has a cock-sucking face," Lucius said. "I think it's her high cheekbones."

"Fuck Lucius," Snape said. "I mean as a Death Eater, what do you think of her as a member?"

"She's kind of a pain," Lucius said. "She asks all the questions Voldemort wants to hear. She's a bit of a suck-up really."

"So she's loyal," Snape said.

Lucius laughed. "Are you kidding? Of course she's loyal."

"Right," Snape said, smiling. "Of course."

There was an awkward silence between them, so Snape said, "So you think she's pretty?"

"Enough," Lucius said. "Much better than that mudblood you hang off of."

Narcissa and Mona came up before Snape could think of a reason to stand up for Lily. Narcissa wrapped her arm through Lucius' again. They exchanged goodbyes. Severus and Mona walked into the trailer again together. He wondered how he could tell Mona about the lurcher, but his thoughts quickly drifted to something else. He looked at her face, thinking about what Lucius had said about it.

"Yeh all right Sev?" she asked.

"Fine," he said.

He suddenly felt very hot. He wanted a shower. He wanted a shower with Mona.

"Are yeh sure?" she asked.

He pushed her up against the wall, kissing her deeply. He ran his long fingers along her neck, his other hand running up along her inner thigh. He felt her hands on his chest. She was trying to push him off.

"Feck Sev," she said. "It's the dark magic."

He hadn't heard. Not really. "You don't want me?" he asked.

She pulled him into her room, slammed the door shut, and opened the window. "The dark magic. It's seeping through the house and the power is… appealing to yeh."

"Is there a reason you're locking me in your room with you?" he asked.

Mona laughed. He realized that she was gorgeous when she laughed. "Sit here," she said, pushing him on her bed. "In an hour, if yeh still want to make out with me, by all means."

"An hour?" he asked.

"An hour," she said.

Severus grabbed her arms. "One kiss for me to think about while I wait," he said.

Her face softened. She leaned in and twisted her fingers into his greasy hair. He leaned in and kissed her. She pulled him against her. When the kissed ended, she nuzzled him. Against her lips, he said, "I can't imagine what would make me not want that in an hour."

Her smile was weak. She wished it was true. She sat down at her desk and began to type on a typewriter. It was the transcription Declan had written out during Voldemort's last rally. She had the typewriter charmed so it would make more than one copy. Severus watched her type endlessly, noting her features, her lips, her eyes, her fingertips. And with every word he wanted her less. Other thoughts drifted back to him. The dead lurcher. Lily. His parents. The fact that he just joined a cult that wanted to kill Lily and her parents.

"Fuck," Severus said. "It's been an hour."

"And?" Mona asked.

"What did you say about dark magic?" Severus asked.

"It's the power seeping off o' them," Mona said. "It gets stuck in the furniture and stuff. We've gotten used ter it, but if yer not yeh can get a little… excited."

Severus scoffed, "And really fucking horny?"

"And really fecking horny," Mona said with a laugh. "It's all the power. It's arousing."

"I'm sorry for my behaviour," Severus said.

"Don't worry about it."

He wanted to thank her for not taking advantage, but he figured it would be a bad idea. So he said something else lingering on his conscious. "Listen, Voldemort talked to me when we were outside together," he said, "He wanted me to test out one of my spells."

"Oh yeah?" she said. "Which one did yeh show? Was He impressed?"

"He was impressed," Snape said, neglecting to say the spell, "but I had to use it on the silver lurcher."

Mona nodded. "Yeh did what yeh had to do. Don't worry about it."

Severus nodded and stretched out on her bed. It was much more comfortable than the cot he was sleeping in. "Will your mum be mad?"

"Nah," Mona replied. "She'll be impressed that Voldemort was impressed." She hesitated before adding, "She adores yeh."

"I really like it here," Severus said.

Mona smiled. "I'm glad."

She went back to typing. He pulled out the occlumency book Mona's mum gave him. He didn't want to press Voldemort out of his thoughts, but he had no one else to train with. He felt like it was working, but he couldn't be sure. Truth be told, the more he read about occlumency, the more he wanted to use legilimency. He didn't want to just be defensive, he wanted to have power.

Severus liked the silence between them. He liked that she could work and he could read without any noise. The typing was almost hypnotic, as if Voldemort's words were being recreated for him. He tried to imagine what each letter was as she typed it, and what word they formed, and so on.

"Are yeh still reading that book me mam gave yeh?" she asked.

Mona was apparently not as comfortable with the silence as he was. "Yeah," Severus said. "Have you heard much about legilimency?"

"Nope," Mona replied.

"So you got a hold of Voldemort's transcriptions from your brother?" Snape asked.

Mona nodded. "We sell them, me and him. Voldemort doesn't exactly approve, but He hasn't told us to stop either. Why, did yeh want some?"

"No," Snape said, sitting up. "Can I ask you something?"

Mona replied, "Anything."

"Lucius says you're loyal to Voldemort," he started, "and you admit that you're afraid of Him and the power He could possess. You question His theories and yet you still follow him."

She stopped typing and swivelled her chair to face Severus. "What are yeh asking me?"

"Why?" he asked.

"Because being under Voldemort's control is better than being under the Ministry's control," she said. "And if Voldemort gets control, I get teh be a counsellor. I'm there to control things. But with the ministry I'm lesser. I mean, I can't even get a decent job within them."

"You're trying though."

"Yeah, I'm trying," she said, "but what am I going ter do?"

"What are you going to do with Voldemort?" he asked.

"Change things," she said, "fer the better."

"And killing muggle-borns is for the better," he said.

Mona looked frustrated. "Yeh already know I think that's a gray area. I don't think hunting them is the answer." She hesitated. "What's wrong?"

He kept seeing the lurcher staring up at him, bleeding. He couldn't help but seeing Lily's green eyes inside the dog, watching him. "Nothing," he replied, offering a smile. "I'm just trying to figure this out."

Mona didn't ask what needed to be figure out. It wasn't perfectly clear to her, but she knew where she stood with Voldemort.

Declan heckled them to come to dinner, and they moved into the kitchen. Severus was surprised to see a rust-coloured lurcher under the table where the silver one used to sit. He realized it must have been the source of the claws he heard earlier during his visit. He felt unsettled by the dog's presence, but he sat at the table anyway.

Mona announced the news, "Sev told me that Lord Voldemort proved himself to Him."

The three brother's eyes rose from their food to look at Snape. "Really?" Michael asked.

Mona's mum simply smiled.

"Yes really," Snape snapped.

Mona quickly shifted the conversation to something else, realizing that Severus was in no mood to brag to her family. The rust lurcher looked up at Snape, and he tried to ignore it. The voices of the McCabe family lingered around him, but he wasn't really hearing anything. His own heartbeat blocked out understanding of the sounds. He only saw the lurcher.

The dog got up and Severus backed up. He didn't want this dog around him. He'd destroy anything weak around him. He'd destroy it to move ahead. The dog moved close to him, whining , begging for food or for attention.

And Snape hit the lurcher.

He hit it hard.

It was backed with all the frustration and hate he had been feeling for maybe his entire life.

The dog yelped and scampered out of the kitchen.

He suddenly realized the conversation stopped around him. He looked up to see the McCabe family staring at him in surprise. He excused himself from the table.

Snape decided then that it was time to go home.

Michael and Declan were close behind him. "Hey," Declan said. "Come with us for a second. Mona hasn't shown you the greenhouse, has she?"

"No," Severus said.

He meant "No" that he didn't want to come with them, but they understood "No" he hadn't seen the greenhouse. When Severus hesitated, Michael pulled him to follow, so he followed. He wasn't sure he really had any choice.

The greenhouse had a rich earthy smell, obviously. The roof was enchanted to look like the sky, but the humidity told Severus it was definitely closed off. He noticed various plants he recognized growing within it, including several illegal substances. He recognized aconite and felt his skin begin to crawl. They brought him into a greenhouse with very toxic plants.

Michael lifted Snape by the collar of his robes, straining them. "If yeh ever hurt me sister, I will grind yer bones and drink the potion it makes," he snarled.

Snape struggled against him. "I won't," Snape snapped back, leaning his face into Michael's. "I don't even want your filthy tinker sister."

Michael threw Severus into the dirt. He could feel the heat radiating off a plant close to his face. Michael stepped on the back of his head, forcing his face deeper into the dirt. "So I should crush yeh now then?"

Declan cleared his throat, signalling Mona's entrance. "What the feck are yeh doing Michael?" Mona asked, pulling him away. "Merlin, I can't ever trust yeh teh behave like an adult."

"Did yeh hear what he calls yeh?" Michael asked.

Mona tried to help Severus up, but he batted her hands away. She stepped back. "It doesn't matter what he calls me," Mona said. "He's me fecking guest and I owe him big time."

"Does he hit yeh?" Declan suddenly asked. "I never liked the greasy git."

"Yeh don't like any guy who ain't gorgeous like Lu," Michael said, taking a cheap shot.

"Merlin, no, he doesn't fecking touch me," Mona said. "At all, if yeh catch me drift."

"I think it's time I left," Snape said.

"No fecking kidding," Michael snarled.

"Let me walk yeh out," Mona said. "I'll deal with these eejits later."

"Mona, what kind o' prat slugs a dog?" Declan asked, refusing to drop it. "Is he completely mental?"

"Just feck off, will yeh?" Mona said.

The two didn't follow Severus and Mona into her room. Severus started packing his satchel. "Did yeh want teh shower before yeh go?" Mona asked. "There's dirt on yer face."

"Fuck off," Severus said, stuffing his occlumency book into it. "Seriously, fuck off. My life was complicated enough without you trying to drag me into some cult."

Mona put her hands on her hips. "Yeh followed that cult long before yeh met me," she said, "but I've got big shoulders. So, sure, lay all the blame on me. Come on, I can take it."

Severus glared at her. He didn't need her to get closer to Voldemort and he certainly didn't need her protecting him from her brothers. He wasn't sure he even wanted to get closer to Voldemort. She clearly wasn't worth the trouble anymore.

"Thanks for having me over," Snape said. "Truly, it was fun, but I really think I overstayed my welcome."

"Yeh know that's not true," she said.

Severus shrugged. "I'll see you at school," he said, slugging the satchel over his shoulder.

"It's late," she said.

"That's why I'm leaving."

Mona bit her bottom lip. She was going to kill her brothers for making him want to leave. "All right," she said. "Have a safe trip, all right?"

Snape nodded and smiled slightly.

"Let me walk yeh to the knight bus," she said.

Exhaling, he accepted. They walked together in silence, and Severus found the trailer and the camp surprisingly desolate. He raised his wand.

"I will see yeh at school, right?" Mona asked. "Yer not going ter get all awkward and avoid me?"

Snape didn't respond directly. He pulled her into a hug, breathing in her hair. It still smelt of cigarettes. "Thank you," he said. "I truly appreciate all you've done for me."

Mona felt like crying. This was a goodbye. It wasn't a see you later. It was an end. She laughed as they separated. "Come on Sev, yeh know yeh did more for me," she said.

The Knight Bus arrived and he stepped on with a wave goodbye. He took a seat on the bed and stretched out. Truth was, Mona showed him that he couldn't follow Voldemort. He couldn't kill helpless creatures and he couldn't be a brute like Michael. He didn't want that life.

He arrived back home in the morning, but he didn't go home first. He found himself back on Lily's doorstep, and he knocked on the door. Again, Petunia came and called for Lily. Severus watched her walk down the stairs. She looked calm, which wasn't necessarily a good thing.

"You're back early," she said, closing the door behind her.

She rubbed her arms, feeling a summer morning that felt more like fall.

"I can't do the things they want me to do," Severus said.

Lily rolled her eyes. "You might not see it, but I do. You're full of hate and you don't know what to do with it."

He repeated, "But I can't do the things they want me to do."

"Sev, you already did," Lily said. "If you're back here, you tasted it."

"I won't go back," he said. "I can't go back."

Lily didn't ask what happened. Lily didn't ask why he was covered in dirt. She simply invited him in for breakfast, and right then Snape knew he made the right decision.


	5. Chapter Five

Disclaimer: I acknowledge that I do not own any of the Harry Potter characters or universe. No offense is meant by the situations portrayed in this or any other fanworks.

Chapter Five

In their sixth year, Severus acted like nothing happened between him and Mona. She asked him for help a few times with potions, but generally she avoided him as much as he avoided her. Even his occlumency textbook began collecting dust in his bedroom. He felt closer to Lily, but he found himself less and less tolerant of Sirius Black and his cronies. He perfected sectumsempra and jotted it down in his potions book.

And then Sirius Black tried to lead Snape to Lupin as a Werewolf, and he hated that James Potter saved him from it. That bastard. It was easy hating someone that was a jerk, but it was harder to hate someone that did something for him. And he loathed James for trying to be a better person.

He saw Mona, too, that night. When he went back into the Slytherin common room, she was reading, sneaking a cigarette in the empty room. He hoped she wouldn't talk to him, that her grey eyes wouldn't peek up from her book. But they did.

"All right, Sev?" she asked.

Maybe it was just a greeting, but it felt sincere. He looked like shit and he felt like shit, and he treated her like shit. And she wanted to know if he was all right. No point in changing now. He wasn't James. "Fuck off," he said.

A hell of a summer went by. His parents got worse and Lily was being more accepting of James. When he got back to school Lily started hanging out in a friendly way with James. While she always made time for Severus, he began to feel excluded and, worse, horribly jealous. It didn't help that Sirius still insisted on teasing him.

Everything peaked just before Christmas. James Potter asked Lily to the Slughorn Christmas party, and she said yes.

"I just don't see why you could go with that prat," Snape said.

Snape and Lily walked across the school grounds, just killing time.

"Oh please," Lily replied. "We've been through this before. He's a sweet guy, you know that."

Severus said nothing.

Lily continued, "You should ask someone."

He laughed. "Come on, the only girl I want to go with won't go with me."

"What ever happened with Mona?" Lily asked.

"I thought you didn't like her," he said. "Budding Death Eater, and all that."

Lily shrugged and smiled. "Maybe I misjudged her."

She was talking about James, not about Mona. Severus was furious. He couldn't remember the last time Lily and he had a conversation that wasn't actually about James. "Right," Snape replied.

Lily sighed. "Listen, you've gotta find some sort of love in this world, especially you, Sev."

Severus scoffed. "So you're telling me to take whatever I can?"

"Yes," Lily said. "She may surprise you."

"I'll think about it," he replied. "I'll see you later."

Severus left Lily to try to find Mona. He was going to find her and he was going to prove Lily wrong. He found her around the back of Hogwarts, smoking with a few other Slytherins. Mulciber gave him a nod. Mona gave him less than that.

His relationship with the other Slytherins stayed the same. Mulciber and Avery teased him for hanging out with a muggle-born, but if Sirius ever caused trouble in front of them, they stuck their necks out for him. They stuck together. If Mona told them about his incident with Voldemort, they didn't treat him any differently because of it.

He grabbed the sleeve of Mona's robe. "Do you think we could talk for a second?" he asked.

"Yeah," she replied. "Sure."

The Slytherins made very mature kissing noises and 'woos' as they walked away together. Mona took one last drag from her cigarette before tossing it aside. "What can I do fer yeh, Sev?" she asked.

And that was it. Maybe if she had said something else things would have been different, but here he hadn't spoken to Mona, really spoken to her, in over a year and the first thing she wanted to know was what she could do to help him. "You could go to Slughorn's Christmas party with me," he said.

"So I can make Red jealous?" she asked. "Sure."

He tried to suppress his frustration. She had seen right through him. It also meant Lily was right. She was an acceptable match for him. "No," he said. "No, I want you to go with me. Not as friends and not to make anyone jealous. Just so we can have a good time."

She stopped walking. "What are yeh talking about? Have yeh gone mad?"

"Is it that inconceivable that I could be interested in you?" he asked.

"Yeah," she said, laughing. "It is. Merlin, Sev, nothing short o' Lily could make yeh interested in me."

His cheeks burned, and he hoped she wouldn't realize that it was Lily who suggested it. "Truth is, nothing's felt like home since I left your place," he said. "I'm just realizing that now."

Mona interpreted his statement to mean, "I'm just realizing it now that Lily's gone." She knew she was second. She knew he came to her after Lily fought him. But Mona would take it anyway. She cared for Severus. Mulciber said she had a fetish for damaged goods, and maybe that was it, but either way she wanted to be with him, whether he was in pieces or together.

"All right," she said. "But don't blame me if I look like shite."

"I won't," he replied.

She smiled awkwardly at him. Snape wasn't sure what to do. Did he walk with her? Did they part ways? Where was he supposed to go? "Uh, so what are you doing right now?" he asked.

"I'm going ter the owlry," she said. "Why, yeh want teh escort me?"

"Sure," he replied. He paused and corrected himself, "Yes."

They chatted idly as they walked. She kept asking Snape about what had changed over the year, about how occlumency was going, and so on. She avoided the topic of Voldemort. She avoided the topic of Lily. He couldn't think of anything to ask her.

She used one of the school barn owls and wrote a letter on a scrap of paper. He decided against reading over her shoulder. "I notice you're still testing your pureblood immortality with your cigarettes," he said.

"Not around yeh though," she said, trying to come up with a witty comeback. All she could think of was, "Wouldn't want ter test if yer a half-blood."

The same day Narcissa received a letter from Mona asking for a dress. She told her about Severus asking her to Slughorn's party. A few days later, at breakfast, Mona received a package from a pristine-looking Snowy owl.

"How is Narcissa?" Snape asked.

"They're engaged," Mona simply said. "I think she's making a mistake."

Mona wrote a quick thank you note and sent off the owl. Severus noticed she avoided opening the parcel, but no one asked her about it. Mona got a lot of smelly plants in the mail, so generally no one was interested. But Snape was interested because he knew it had something to do with him.

"What's in the parcel?" he asked.

"Nothing," she replied.

"Is it for me?" he asked.

"No," she replied, taking a bite out of her breakfast.

He noticed Lily at the Gryffindor table laughing with James and that bastard Sirius. He put his arm around Mona, running a finger along the arm farthest from him. Snape wasn't exactly one for affection, but he knew Mona was, and he used it to his advantage.

"What's in the parcel?" he asked, his lips against her ear.

The Slytherins knew about them. Mulciber got it out of Snape as soon as they both got back from the Owlry. He was friends with both Severus and Mona separately, but he knew them both well. He was the one who stood up for Severus, if Severus wasn't around the mudblood. He knew Snape just needed time to become a Death Eater, and that Mona was a step in the right direction.

But the Gryffindors didn't, and Severus got the attention he wanted. His peripheral vision caught Lily turn her head in his direction. He didn't want to look, not directly, and he wasn't too sure why he even wanted her to see him like this. He told Mona it wasn't about making her jealous, but it wasn't about making her happy, was it?

"Feck off and wait," she said, playfully pushing him away. "Yeh'll see, yeah?"

"I'm patient," he replied, moving on to his food.

Later in the day, Severus studied in the library with Lily. He mentioned it to Mona, but he hadn't invited her along. She seemed busy anyway. Lily didn't mention Mona either, and Snape wasn't sure how he felt about it. Nonetheless, they hardly started studying when Sirius and James swaggered on into the library.

"Snivellus, did I see you snogging the tinker?" Sirius asked, leaning on the table Lily and Severus shared.

"Lay off him," James said.

"Oh please," Snape said, standing up. "I'm sick and fucking tired of you calling Mona a tinker," he said, pointing his wand at Sirius. "It pisses her off which means it pisses me off. And," he used his free hand to point at James, "I don't need a fucking Gryffindor trying to make things all right, especially not one who was once so determined to make things so wrong. So all of you can just fuck off."

Snape made sure he looked at Lily before he stormed out of the library. It was true, though. He was sick of everything. How long had he stood by her side? And how much of James' shit had they put up with? It wasn't worth it. He found Mona sitting outside with a few other Slytherins. They were smoking by the lake though the Giant Squid was nowhere in sight, perhaps because most of the lake had frozen over.

"Hey," he said.

He received smiles and nods from the Slytherins. Severus stood beside Mona, nuzzling her neck with his nose. "What's gotten inter yeh today?" she asked, appreciating the warmth.

"I'm just happy," he said, simply.

Mona smiled and took his hand in hers. She tried not to show her concern. How often was he unhappy? How consistently did he frown inside of himself? She watched the cloud of his breath steam out from his nose. She dropped her cigarette into the snow. "Come on, let's get yeh inside."

The Slughorn Christmas party came quickly. Severus spent most of his time with the Slytherins. Severus limited his physical contact with Mona to handholding and nuzzling. Whenever he thought about kissing her, he remembered when he kissed her under the influence of Dark Magic residue. He worried her kiss wouldn't live up to expectations. But he liked the physical contact, even though her fingers were usually cold from smoking outside.

He wore the dress robes Mona bought him. Not just because she bought them for him, but because they were the only dress robes he had. They were a little short in the sleeve and the leg, but he wore black socks and hoped that no one would notice. He just didn't seem to stop growing.

Severus waited for Mona outside of the Slytherin Common Room. The Slytherins who were going to the party got teased by the ones who weren't going, and Severus didn't want to subject himself to that. "Feck Sev," Mona said, stumbling out of the Slytherin Dungeon and into the hallway. "I forgot I don' have any shoes."

She was wearing blue Doc Martens, her winter boots. He couldn't believe how devastated she looked. Mona didn't look bad otherwise. She was wearing an immodest black dress. It was halfway up her thigh and the necklace dipped down into cleavage, even though she had none. She wore long black gloves, stretching past her elbows. Of course, Severus thought it was pretty hot. He wanted to kiss her bare neck. Or he would have if her hair wasn't there.

"I'm a mess, Sev," she said.

"You look great," he said. "Come on, let me help you with your hair."

"What's wrong with me hair?" she asked, running her fingers through it. "I thought that was the part that looked all right."

Severus chuckled and charmed her hair into a loose bun. He made sure a few ringlets fell onto her back, her shoulders, and her forehead. She exhaled, near tears. He kissed her softly where her neck met her shoulder, pulling her close. "You look great," he said.

"Sev, I look like an eejit," she replied, hugging him.

He kissed her neck again, "You look brilliant. Is that dress what Narcissa sent you?"

"Yeah," she said, sounding depressed.

"She has good taste."

"It doesn' suit me," she replied. "Come on, sneak me into your dorm instead and we can snog instead."

He chuckled. "As much as I would prefer to do that, Mona, I think it's best if we make an appearance."

She pulled away from him, nodding. "All right," she said. "If you want ter be seen with an eejit."

"No, I want to be seen with you," he replied. Her self-pitying was getting boring fast.

He held her hand as they walked to Slughorn's party. "Why haven't we snogged yet?" she asked.

"Merlin, you want to discuss this now?" he asked.

She thought about it for a moment. "Yeah," she said.

"Because I want to save it for a special occasion. Like after this party because you look brilliant in that dress, even with your boots," he said.

"Yeah?" she asked. "Yer serious?"

"I already said you looked great," he said.

"No," she replied. "Not that. The snogging afterwards. I'm holding yeh ter that."

He laughed aloud, and he was glad that he ran into Lily when he was laughing with Mona. Lily's arm was linked through James'. "Heading to the party?" Lily asked.

Snape noticed James quickly check out Mona's outfit. Lily was dressed much more modestly, and she still looked gorgeous. "Yeah," Snape said. "Should we walk together?"

"It'd be weird walking to the same place without conversation," James said, awkwardly.

Snape offered a stiff smile. Mona tried pulling down her dress, revealing the green lace of her bra. She pulled the dress back up while holding the bottom of her dress. "Right," Severus said, releasing Mona's hand to drape his arm across her shoulders.

They walked without conversation, the only noises being Lily's heels and the squeaks from Mona's still moist boots. Mona kept fidgeting with her dress. Lily and James seemed to be suppressing smiles at some joke Snape didn't know, and it pissed him off.

"You know that dress would look perfect with a long necklace," James said to Mona. "It would really dress it up."

Mona sighed. "I knew it wasn't fancy enough-"

"No no," James and Lily almost said at the same time. Lily continued, "It looks great."

"Really," James added.

Lily continued, "James was just making a suggestion. If, you know, you were to wear the dress to a different occasion. I don't think Slughorn really expects us to be that dressed up."

"Oh," Mona said. "Thank yeh fer the suggestion." She hesitated before saying, "Does the Black boy live with yeh now? I heard he got kicked out."

"Sirius you mean?" James asked, receiving a nod. "Yes, he's staying with my family. My dad's sick, you see, so it helps to have him around the house."

"Ah good," Mona said. "He's an eejit, but me brother always liked him. He keeps asking me, 'Talk ter Sirius Mona. I want ter know he's not on the streets.' Fecking fairies, yeh know?"

"What?" James asked.

"Declan?" Severus asked.

"Yeah, he's friends with all the losers," Mona said. "Black and Malfoy." She scoffed. "Blood-traitor and complete fecking asshole."

Snape cleared his throat and Mona remembered who she was with. "Not that there's anything wrong with Blood-traitors," she said. "Me da's a blood traitor."

To their surprise, James laughed good-naturedly. "I think I heard about Declan. He grows a lot of herbs, right? I think Sirius buys from him."

"The aconite buyer?" Mona asked. "I wondered why Declan kept growing that shite."

James and Mona talked excitedly into the party, with Snape between them. Lily kept glancing over at Severus, and he asked Mona if she wanted something to drink. She laughed, James helping her feel comfortable. "I guess there wouldn't be any firewhiskey, yeah?" Mona chuckled. "Sure, Sev, whatever they have."

"I'll get you something too," Lily said to James, pressing her hand against his arm.

"I'm surprised at how well they're getting along," Severus said.

"I told James before we came that he had to act nice," Lily said, "but I don't think this is my doing."

"Well, it's nice she stopped worrying about that damned dress," Severus said. "Merlin, I don't think I could take more of the bitching, and she looks better now that she's comfortable in it. Or now that she's forgotten she's uncomfortable in it."

"So it's not going well with Mona?" Lily asked.

"No, it is," Severus said before he thought about lying. "She's just trying too hard."

"Which is sweet," Lily noted.

"But annoying," Severus said. "And how are things with the Gryffindor wonder?"

"Great," Lily said. "He's a lot of fun, Sev."

Severus scoffed. "Right."

Before Lily could lecture him, Slughorn came up and put his arms around them. "Hello!" he said cheerfully. "I'm glad you could make it!"

Professor Slughorn chatted excitedly to them and Severus kept watching James and Mona. Sirius came up with some Gryffindor Prodigy. Mona talked to Sirius as if they didn't hate each other. He couldn't explain what he felt. Rage? Jealously? If he was jealous of anything, he was jealous that she fit in with them while he didn't.

Severus excused himself from Slughorn (who'd rather talk to Lily anyway) and snuck out of the party. He rushed up to the owlry and wrote Lucius a letter. He asked if Lucius could pick up a necklace for Mona before the night ended, and that he would reimburse him before Christmas ended. He rushed back to the party, hoping no one noticed that he disappeared.

He approached Mona, sliding an arm protectively around her waist. "Where's me drink?" she asked, half-jokingly.

"Slughorn cornered us," Severus said, adding to James, "Lily hasn't escaped yet."

James nodded, and Snape hated that the conversation stopped now that he arrived. Sirius didn't seem to mind. He smirked at Snape. "Did you know that I grew up with Mona?" he asked Snape. "The Blacks have always been close to the McCabes."

"I did not know," Snape replied, coolly.

"My grandmother went to her grandmother so she'd see her future," Sirius continued.

"So the Blacks have always been taking advantage of the McCabes," Snape noted.

"Yes, but I see the Snapes are just starting."

"Okay, let's go somewhere else," Mona said, patting Severus' hand. "I think I see some o' our friends."

Sirius chuckled as they walked away. Mona noted, "They were the ones who introduced Voldemort teh us too. And they paid us, it's not like they took advantage."

"I loathe him," Snape said.

Mona said, "If yer interested, he's always been an asshole."

"I'm not," Snape said, "but that certainly helps."

They quickly went into the group of Slytherins that they knew. Severus instantly felt more comfortable amongst his peers. So maybe he hadn't always been the closest with them, but they accepted him. Sort of. Enough.

Then Snape noticed an owl tapping on the window. He nonchalantly walked over to the window and opened it. He took an envelope off of its talons and sent it off without writing a thank you note. It was a silver drop necklace with a sapphire stone. It wasn't as gaudy as Severus thought Lucius would be, but he supposed Lucius knew Severus was paying for it.

Mona caught his eye and he waved Mona over. She excused herself from her friends and stood by his side. He moved her in front of him and adjusted the window so that there would be a reflection. He then hung the necklace around her neck, adjusting the drop to fall center on her chest. He wrapped his arms around her waist.

Mona looked at her reflection. She saw the crowded room behind her, and her and Severus standing alone. For once, Mona wasn't just a face in the group. She was alone with Severus. An individual.

"You don't like it," he said.

"No," she said, turning around in his arms. "Oh no no. I love it." She hadn't even noticed the necklace, but she didn't need to. If Severus gave it to her, and it made her feel like this, then it was great. "I'm just… Do yeh want ter ditch this party?"

"Yes," Snape said.

He'd done what he needed to do, bring Mona to the party like Lily suggested. And he hadn't exactly proved her wrong. Worse, he proved her right. He liked spending time with Mona. He didn't like her talking to Gryffindors. He liked giving her a necklace that he had no intention of paying Lucius back for.

He took her hand as they walked out of the party. He didn't want to give Lily the satisfaction, especially because she was right.

"Astronomy tower or sneaking me inter yer dorm?" Mona asked once they got out of the party. "The astronomy tower might be crowded, but maybe yer inter that."

"I'm not," Severus replied. "Listen, I don't think this is a great idea."

"What?" Mona asked. "I said I'm holding yeh teh it and I'm going ter."

"Well, if I sneak you into my dorm, my dormmates will be home eventually. And I don't want to snog you in a crowded tower," Snape said.

"But do yeh want to snog me at all?" Mona asked. "'Cause yeh showed me ter Red and I wore this racy outfit ter make her all jealous and if this was an act I just want ter know."

Severus stopped walking. "No, it wasn't an act at all."

Mona folded her arms across her chest and leaned against a wall. She didn't look sceptical, but she looked like she was bracing herself for the worst. He leaned on the wall beside her, staring at her boots. "I guess I just don't know what to do right now."

"Yeh could kiss me," she said.

He turned to look at her. She had a hopeful smile on her face, but her eyes were still sad. He could see himself reflected in her eyes. And he hated that. He didn't say or do anything.

So she moved to stand in front of him. She wrapped her arms around his waist, letting them rest on his back. She tucked her nose against his neck. Exhaling, he held her back. "Sev, I really like yeh," she said. "But I'm not going teh wait around fer yeh to like me back."

Chuckling, he asked, "You have other plans?"

"No," she said. "I'm just not that type of person."

"I haven't seen you browsing the Slytherins much," he replied.

"Have yeh taken a good look at 'em?" she asked, pulling away. "Listen, I'd hate teh do this ter yeh, but I gotta know yer not, just, yeh know."

"I don't know," he replied, stiffly.

"Stringing me along," she replied.

He thought about Lily, what she said about taking whatever happiness he could get. He liked spending time with Mona, but he preferred spending time with Lily. But he couldn't have Lily. Was he just stringing Mona along until Lily changed her mind? Did it matter?

He grabbed Mona's arm and pulled her close again. He tilted his head downwards, lifting her chin up with his long finger. He kissed her lightly, and he felt her hands run along the back of his neck.

She kissed him deeper, dipping her tongue into his mouth. He felt her twist her fingers into his hair and draw him into her. It wasn't like when he was lusting after dark magic. All of his thoughts pressed against him. Being with Mona meant being with Voldemort. Being with Voldemort meant hating muggle-borns. She drew away from the kiss, nuzzling his nose.

It also meant being held and kissed. Mona didn't swallow everything Voldemort had to say. There was leniency. He could follow Voldemort and still like Lily – and still love Lily. He held onto Mona tightly, breathing in the faint smell of earth and cigarettes in her hair.

And for the second time Severus Snape felt at home with Mona McCabe.


	6. Chapter Six

Disclaimer: I acknowledge that I do not own any of the Harry Potter characters or universe. No offense is meant by the situations portrayed in this or any other fanworks.

Chapter Six

He went to Mona's for Christmas. Sometimes for Christmas he went home, sometimes he stayed at school, but this year he went to her house. Their trailer was parked in a snow drift. The inside was draped with garland and lights. Severus didn't expect Death Eaters to be so… festive, but they were. They had a tree so large that it bent against the ceiling. There was a healthy hill of presents beneath it.

Before Severus left, he dropped a small gift off at Lily's. It was a book he had been raving to her about, and she ended up giving him some piece of trash muggle-fiction. Something called "Johnny Got his Gun." Severus brought it with him since he knew Mona read muggle garbage and he hoped she'd summarize it for him to save him from reading it.

Her brothers acted like nothing had happened between them, but he noticed the bronze lurcher avoided him. Mona's mum looked remarkably thinner, but it wasn't a healthy thin. Her once full cheeks now sagged on either side of her face. Her old weight hung from her stomach and arms. But she did look happy to see Severus. She acted as if he was a prodigal son, returning. He was uneasy at how much his return to the trailer felt like a homecoming.

"Yer sure yer parents don't mind?" Mona asked, dropping Severus' bag on her bed.

"They don't mind," Severus said. "Really."

Mona nodded and sat down on her bed. Smiling, Snape leaned forward and kissed her. He crawled onto the bed beside her and they curled up together on it. Snape played with the handle of his duffle bag with his foot. "I'm so glad I'm here," he said.

"I am too," she replied, kissing his neck. "Is there something for me in your luggage?"

"I can think of a few places that are hiding things for you," he murmured.

"Oh really?" she asked, raising a brow.

The two hadn't had much time to be intimate since the Slughorn's Christmas party. Really, there hadn't been much time at Hogwarts since the Christmas party, but Snape wasn't as willing to snog in dark corners like Mona was. And he appreciated that she respected that.

But in the privacy of her own room, that he was all right with. In fact, he had been looking forward to giving her a good snog. Maybe not anything further, but a snog at least.

He lifted up her shirt to kiss her stomach. He felt her fingers run through his hair.

Severus couldn't believe how much she liked touching him, let alone teasing her fingers into his greasy hair. It wasn't that he didn't appreciate her affection, he just began doubting her sincerity.

He raised his head up, his hand now resting on her stomach. "May I ask you something?" he asked.

"Depends if yer gonna stop and get all chatty," she replied, smirking.

"I'll just listen," he replied.

"All right, ask away, Sev," she said.

"Why are you in Slytherin house?" he asked.

"Yer kiddin'," she replied.

"No," he said. "I mean, you've always been nothing but kind to me. I've never seen you be particularly cunning and, aside from trying to get a job at the Ministry, you're not particularly ambitious and-"

"And I'm not an asshole like Lu," she added.

He laughed. "Your words, not mine. It's just, you're patient. You wait for things to play out instead of being the one that makes changes."

He helped her pull her shirt over her head. He pushed her against the wall, kissing her neck again. "I'm waiting for a response," he said.

"Yeh want ter make sure I'm not playing yeh," Mona said, seriously. "That I don't have a game."

He smiled. "Maybe I just want to get to know you."

He pulled down her pants slightly to kiss her hipbone. He ran his long fingers along her ribs. "I trick Muggles out of their money fer fortunes," she said.

"Often real fortunes," he said. "That's not tricking."

"Then that's ambition," she said, "or cunning, using what yeh got and all that."

"Go on," he said, kissing the valley between her breasts.

"Oh Merlin, this feels like a quiz," she said, lifting the back of his shirt. "Feck it, ask the Sorting Hat."

"No, no," he said, sitting up to pull down his shirt. "Go on. I want to know."

She tried pulling his shirt over his head again, "I'm patient because I like seeing how things play out. I want teh know when ter act and when teh wait. That's cunning, isn't it?"

He tried pulling his shirt down again, but she kept wrestling it off. And she fell back, finally managing to get the shirt off of him. She instantly felt sick that she did. He still wore a beater, but the thin straps couldn't hide the purple bruise arching across his shoulder blade. He ripped his shirt out of her hands, snarling, "Well I guess you're in Slytherin because you're a meddling bitch."

She took the shirt back before he could toss if back on. "That's not fair," she replied. "I just wanted teh snog a bit because someone's such a prude at school. I didn't realize I'd see somethin' yeh've been hiding from me. What is it?"

He didn't reply, but he didn't take the shirt back from her either. She folded her arms across her chest. He leaned against the wall, sitting cross-legged on the bed. Sighing, Mona left to her bathroom, taking his shirt with her.

Severus stared blankly at the floor. It was as if his brain had stopped functioning. He thought about when he left his house this year, about how his father screamed that he was a terrible son to leave his mother alone at Christmas. Snape snapped back, telling him Spinner's End never felt like home. His father said something about him being ungrateful and the slugged him. In the hurry to leave, Severus hadn't bothered to heal his bruise.

But he hated how he was like his father. First yelling at Lily and now at Mona. When would he raise a fist instead of raising his voice? He already hit that bronze lurcher, but that was to protect it, right? He couldn't be his father.

"Lay down," Mona said.

He complied, an apology on the tip of his tongue. She then smoothed a cream so cold it burned across his bruise. "Merlin," he cursed.

She smiled. He was certain she could have found a cream that would hurt less. Had she picked it on purpose? When she was finished, she left to wash her hands, and then snuggled up beside him. "I guess yer parents weren't pleased that yeh came here fer Christmas," Mona said.

"They're never pleased with anything," Severus replied.

She tucked her head under his chin, resting her hand on his chest. He could feel every small breath she took. He could feel her eyelashes flutter against him. In that moment, it felt like Mona's head kept his own head connected to the rest of him. He was drifting away and she anchored him. He worried about her. He worried about her devotion and he worried about what would happen to her if she got too close. Lily, he knew, could handle herself. Lily would shout back and punch back.

But maybe Mona was handling it the right way. Calming him down. Making him feel like shit for being an asshole, but still letting him know she was there.

"Mona, I have another question," he said.

Her lips moved against him, "Go ahead."

"Why me?" he asked. "Why did you pick me?"

She could have joked about the other Slytherins being losers, which they were. She could have made a self-deprecating remark about no one else having her, which he didn't doubt. But she didn't.

"Originally I was interested in yeh because yeh were, yeh know, an individual. Yeh hung out with that – Lily as if yeh were cooler than the rest o' us, which yeh were. I guess I admired that," she said.

When she didn't speak for a moment, Snape replied, "You said originally. You've changed your mind?"

"I was gonna drop yeh like lead after yeh left," she said, though Severus was certain she said it more to convince herself. "And then Mam said teh me that I should trust yeh ter do the right thing. I was pissed fer a while because I thought she meant that doin' the right thing was leaving me, but when I really thought about it, I thought it'd be nice teh be with someone that I could trust to do the right thing."

Severus didn't reply, thinking about what her mother had said.

"I've been with losers before, Sev," she said. "Yeh may think yer one o' them, but yer not."

"I wish I could trust myself as much as you trust me," he said.

Smirking she replied, "It comes with the sight, Sev."

Severus thought about it for a moment, rubbing her arm with his hand. He felt her grow heavier against him, her breathing becoming more regular. She was falling asleep. He believed her. He thought her house was a web of support to her, but maybe it wasn't like that. Her family was Death Eaters, and maybe their loyalty was to Voldemort before their family. She did say her father left, and he took a few of her brothers with him. It wasn't impossible that her relationship with her family wasn't as deep as he thought it was.

But did Mona interpret her mother to mean that she should always trust Severus to do the right thing? Or was it that he was going to do the right thing once? And how would he know what the right thing was and when it would happen? Was he going to do nothing but wrong things before it?

Mona stirred curling herself tighter against him.

"Mona," he whispered.

She didn't stir.

"Mona," he said, louder.

Nothing.

"Merlin, you sleep like a log."

Still nothing.

And sleep didn't come as easy to Snape. He kept trying to decide if he should get up to talk to her mother, but what else would her mother say? Even if she could tell him exact dates and times, she probably wouldn't.

But he did eventually sleep. And as the days easily slipped by at the trailer, it became easier. Mona was always the first to fall asleep and the last to rise. She slept heavy and easily. When Snape woke up, they usually slept with their backs together. He had never been a deep sleeper, and he couldn't really figure out why it was so easy for Mona to just drop off.

The routine at the trailer was familiar for Snape. Generally, they'd all part ways in the morning and head to town. He'd read while Mona told fortunes and sold useless items. In the late afternoon, they'd grab coffee to warm up. They'd talk, and he'd watch Mona's features and mannerism, finding them more charming each time. In the evening she'd read the book Lily gave him, sprawled out on the bed. Sometimes he'd run his fingers against her smooth back, and sometimes he'd just leave her alone. She felt tense sometimes, but she never talked about it.

Andshe didn't bring up Voldemort. At least, she didn't right away. Voldemort hadn't asked about Snape, but Mona could see His eyes quickly scan near her to see if he was around. And Mona didn't know if that summer Snape rejected Voldermort or if he just rejected her. She didn't know how to bring it up, so she didn't. Not until she had to, anyway.

"Can we stop here for a sec?" Mona asked.

They were in Diagon Alley outside of Twilfitt and Tatting's. "Sure," Severus said.

They stepped in. Mona began looking through the clothes, waving away the shopkeeper. "I want somethin' on sale," she whispered to Severus.

"What are we looking for?" he asked, skimming through the clothes and glancing at the price tags. It was a grim reminder of the money he owed Lucius for the necklace.

Mona cleared her throat. "A dress," she said.

"For what?"

"Christmas party," she said.

She didn't continue. She pulled out a dress, pulled out the price tag, and made a face.

"What aren't you telling me?" he asked.

"Yer invited," Mona said.

Snape smiled and slid his hand into Mona's. Mona was easy to get information out of if you knew what buttons to press. "What else?"

She smiled back.

She loved PDA. She wanted everyone to know that he was hers, or that she was. Fuck it, he didn't know why she loved it, but she did. He didn't, but he used it whenever he needed to.

"It's the Black Christmas party," she said. "So He might be there."

"Lucius," Snape asked, absently.

"No, no," Mona replied, pulling out one of the dresses. "Well yes, he'll be there too." She lowered her voice, saying, "But I meant our Dark Lord. Or my Dark Lord. Whatever."

She pressed the dress up against herself. It was long, high-cut, elegant, and pale blue. Pretty much the exact opposite of what Narcissa picked out for her.

Mona continued, "I didn't know if that would make yeh uncomfortable. So yeh don't have ter come if yeh don't want teh."

It would make him uncomfortable. It would make him very uncomfortable. "No I'll go," he said. "I'll never hear the end of it if you go without me. I like that one."

"Yeah?"

"Would you like to try it on?" The salesclerk. Of course she wouldn't fuck off and leave them alone.

Severus watched as Mona tried on the dress. He said that he approved, which he did. Once Mona said she was going to get it (with Severus agreeing that he liked it), the salesclerk adjusted the stitching to make it fit Mona's (flat) form. She ran her wand down the seams of Mona's dress, with Mona looking uncomfortable. Severus offered her a smile to keep her comfortable.

As they left, Mona playfully swung the bag at her side. He liked that she was happy. "So yeh do or do not want ter talk about the Dark Lord?" she asked.

"Do not," he replied.

They didn't talk about it again until that night. Mona was hanging up the new dress in her underwear. She had gotten used to snogging a bit with Severus before bed. They never went any farther, Severus usually stopped her before, so she gave up. But it didn't stop her from walking around in her underwear. Severus had no complaint, of course.

Severus laid reading on the bed, watching her in his peripheral vision. He read the same line about three times and he was about to give up. Mona saved him the trouble of giving up by curling up beside him. She kissed him, pressing her body up against his. Laughing, he rolled her on top of him, sliding his hands down the back of her underwear to squeeze her ass. She kissed under his chin, sliding her fingers into his hair. He loved it when her hands ran through his hair.

"Hey, I've got to ask you something," he said.

"Merlin," she said. "Sev, yeh always get serious when we do this."

"It's because you make me think about my future," he said.

"Do yeh mean with me o' without me?" she asked.

"With you," he replied.

She smiled and kissed him again. She didn't know if it was the truth, but it felt good hearing him say it. "Then ask me," she said. "So we can get back to it."

"Why do you follow Him?" he asked.

"We've had this conversation before," she said, rolling her eyes. "Do yeh want ter ask me why yeh should follow Him?"

"I guess," he said.

"Do yeh like how things are now?"

"With you, you mean?"

"No," she said. "I mean, in the system."

"I don't know," he replied, worried that she didn't want to know how he felt when he was with her. It meant she was serious, it meant she was thinking more about Voldemort than about him.

"Well, with Voldemort, yeh'll be there ter change things," she said. Her eyes lit up, thinking quickly. "What're yeh going ter do after school?"

"I don't know," he said. "Work or something."

"Work where?" she asked.

He shrugged.

"Yeah, exactly," she said. "He'll get yeh a job, just wait."

"A job killing muggle-borns?" he asked.

"Nope," she said. "An honest-to-Merlin job. He hooked Michael up with one."

"Yeah, and then what?" Severus asked, folding his arms across her back. Mona was getting heavy on top of him.

"He does His thing and yeh get teh be there fer it," she said.

"You're getting a bit heavy," he admitted.

"Like conversation-wise?" she asked.

"No, like on top of me," he said.

She moved to curl up beside him, twining her legs in with his. She rested her head against his chest. As much as Severus just wanted to sit with her, he asked, "What's His thing?"

"Rumour among the Death Eaters is that Voldemort plans ter act soon," she said.

"I thought you didn't want war."

"I don't," she said, "but maybe things need to be changed."

"So you're saying it might be necessary," he said.

"This is where I can change things," she said, her hand clammy against his chest. "This is where I matter. I'm going ter be nothing without Him."

"So I'll be something with Him?" Severus said.

"Yeh'll change things," Mona said. "Hell, yeh could be able ter talk him outta the muggle-born thing."

He only nodded. There were a lot of things he agreed with, if he could undermine some of the extremities, he could create a perfect wizarding society. He kissed her forehead. She tilted her head upwards so she could bite his bottom lip lightly. He pulled her upwards to kiss her lips, to feel her tongue slide into his mouth.

He felt her body grind up against his, her hands behind his ears to kiss him deeply. He pulled away, outlining her face with his long fingers. Her eyes scanned him. He watched as her smile faded as her blue eyes clouded over. Her eyelids began to flicker closed. "Do you still doubt Him?" Severus asked.

"What?" she asked, dosing off.

"Lord Voldemort," Severus asked. "Before you didn't follow him blindly. You had doubts about some of the things he wanted done. Do you still have those doubts?"

"No," she said, curling tighter up against him, closing her eyes. "I'll be able to change anything I don't like, and anything you don't like."

"Really?" he asked.

"I'm the seer, remember?" she said. "Yeh don't touch the mudbloods, it'll feck up yer plans."

He smiled. She knew exactly what he didn't like. He didn't give a fuck about the muggles. They were all exactly like his father – closed-minded and afraid of anything more powerful than them. Lily's sister, Petunia, was exactly like that. But Lily, she had to be safe. People like her had to be safe. If he could just fix that one little rule, he could save her – he could save them all – from what Voldemort wanted to happen. He could make everything okay. He could make everything more than okay. And Mona would help he do it.

"Mona," he said.

She mumbled something in reply.

She wasn't awake. He wrapped his arm around her, folding the other underneath his pillow.

Everything would be perfect.


End file.
